List-less March

So my faithful readers, all half-dozen(?) of you, know that I do my "List" every month to chit-chat about the latest doings in my brain and in the Conway household. Well, no List has appeared this month and I'm not going to attempt one on this, the last day of the month, either. To put it bluntly, it's been a difficult month.

Marty had an old estate case to close out in Memphis last week, and most of the month was spent on pins and needles waiting to know how certain aspects of this case (mostly cooperation from other people) were going to play out, and how this would affect Marty's presentation to the judge. I helped in any way I could, including Internet research and signing for 8 zillion mailers from the post office guy (who no longer stares at my pretty substantial belly but just smiles instead), but my contribution was just a tiny drop in the bucket compared to the hours and hours and hours of work my husband invested in this case (not to mention the stress, which I think should be measured in pounds per square inch on the human body!). Thankfully, after much prayer on top of all that hard work, Marty made his presentation to the judge and had the most favorable outcome we could have expected and hoped for. We are so relieved to have this obstacle cleared from our path, but it's curious to see how stress takes a toll -- I think we're still recovering from it!

On top of that, we're really starting to consider the most realistic possibilities for our immediate future. We may not find a job for Marty in Indiana in the next few weeks. We may not be able to move to Indiana before Will is born. I may have to give birth here and make an intense, exhausting move when our son is only just a few weeks or months old. As much as we'd like to take a few risks and move right now, with this economy and job market and me going on maternity leave in July, we have to be wise and careful and cautious. I don't take well to careful maneuverings...I never have. I like to take leaps of faith, but it's funny how quickly you become a parent, even when your child isn't born yet. It's not about me anymore, it's about the best situation for our son, and of course that is dependent on what we can realistically provide him with what we have right now, right in front of us, unless and until those things change. I've spent a lot of time this month trying to relinquish control of our lives to God, and that's never an easy process. And even though I'm still working on it, I'm starting to make preparations for Plan B, even though Plan B is just about the last thing I want to do. It's become one of those times in life when the rubber meets the road faith-wise and that's always the best time to stop, take a breath, and just count your blessings. At the end of the day, no matter where I happen to be geographically, if my son is born healthy and I am healthy after delivering him, and Marty and I and Will are together as a family, then that is far and away the greatest blessing in this whole world. Yes, it would be nice to be settled where we're going to be for the long run, have a functioning, tidy home and have the right jobs, and be in a great church, and surrounded by loved ones, and so on and so forth, but these are nice things, not vital things, and my perfectionist self just has to deal with that! Moral of the story? Sometimes gifts don't come with all the accessories. But that's no reason to be ungrateful for the gifts!

In any case, March shall remain List-less and I hope to continue my little tradition next month (and I may even revamp it a bit). Lots of new posts coming soon...April is Autism Awareness Month and I have lots to share on this topic! Stay tuned...and if you remember to, say a little prayer for us and all the decisions that must be made in the coming weeks. We would greatly appreciate it!