List-less March

So my faithful readers, all half-dozen(?) of you, know that I do my "List" every month to chit-chat about the latest doings in my brain and in the Conway household. Well, no List has appeared this month and I'm not going to attempt one on this, the last day of the month, either. To put it bluntly, it's been a difficult month.

Marty had an old estate case to close out in Memphis last week, and most of the month was spent on pins and needles waiting to know how certain aspects of this case (mostly cooperation from other people) were going to play out, and how this would affect Marty's presentation to the judge. I helped in any way I could, including Internet research and signing for 8 zillion mailers from the post office guy (who no longer stares at my pretty substantial belly but just smiles instead), but my contribution was just a tiny drop in the bucket compared to the hours and hours and hours of work my husband invested in this case (not to mention the stress, which I think should be measured in pounds per square inch on the human body!). Thankfully, after much prayer on top of all that hard work, Marty made his presentation to the judge and had the most favorable outcome we could have expected and hoped for. We are so relieved to have this obstacle cleared from our path, but it's curious to see how stress takes a toll -- I think we're still recovering from it!

On top of that, we're really starting to consider the most realistic possibilities for our immediate future. We may not find a job for Marty in Indiana in the next few weeks. We may not be able to move to Indiana before Will is born. I may have to give birth here and make an intense, exhausting move when our son is only just a few weeks or months old. As much as we'd like to take a few risks and move right now, with this economy and job market and me going on maternity leave in July, we have to be wise and careful and cautious. I don't take well to careful maneuverings...I never have. I like to take leaps of faith, but it's funny how quickly you become a parent, even when your child isn't born yet. It's not about me anymore, it's about the best situation for our son, and of course that is dependent on what we can realistically provide him with what we have right now, right in front of us, unless and until those things change. I've spent a lot of time this month trying to relinquish control of our lives to God, and that's never an easy process. And even though I'm still working on it, I'm starting to make preparations for Plan B, even though Plan B is just about the last thing I want to do. It's become one of those times in life when the rubber meets the road faith-wise and that's always the best time to stop, take a breath, and just count your blessings. At the end of the day, no matter where I happen to be geographically, if my son is born healthy and I am healthy after delivering him, and Marty and I and Will are together as a family, then that is far and away the greatest blessing in this whole world. Yes, it would be nice to be settled where we're going to be for the long run, have a functioning, tidy home and have the right jobs, and be in a great church, and surrounded by loved ones, and so on and so forth, but these are nice things, not vital things, and my perfectionist self just has to deal with that! Moral of the story? Sometimes gifts don't come with all the accessories. But that's no reason to be ungrateful for the gifts!

In any case, March shall remain List-less and I hope to continue my little tradition next month (and I may even revamp it a bit). Lots of new posts coming soon...April is Autism Awareness Month and I have lots to share on this topic! Stay tuned...and if you remember to, say a little prayer for us and all the decisions that must be made in the coming weeks. We would greatly appreciate it!

Product love, won't you join me?

***Okay, readers, this is a post requiring participation. In fact, I'm going to make this one of those "tag" posts wherein I gently peer-pressure my fellow bloggers into joining my party.

I love getting product recommendations. Heck, I just plain love products. Anything that promises to make my life easier, tastier, cleaner, prettier, more efficient -- sign me up. Here are some of my faves!

*IZZE sparkling juices.

I've tried the peach, clementine, and pomegranate flavors (and the latter is my favorite). Because they are all-natural -- featuring 70% juice and a splash of sparkling water -- you won't find them in the soda aisle, but rather, in the organic foods section of your grocery store (at least it's shelved that way in Kroger). So you won't see them next to diet Cokes, but IZZEs are better than sodas, and I'm quite the connoisseur! I love soda but being pregnant, I don't need the caffeine, sugar, or artificial sweeteners. I can't think of a better alternative and honestly, IZZEs will stay in my pantry long after my baby is born!

*Panera's honey-wheat bread with a spreading of Country Crock and Dickinson's Marion Blackberry preserves.

Speaking of being a connoisseur of something, my mama makes homemade strawberry jam, straight out of her own garden. Yes, many a June morning growing up I'd come downstairs to the kitchen to the smell of gently boiling strawberries in a great big vat on the stove. There is nothing like that smell in the whole world! Thus, I'm an absolute Nazi about strawberry jams and won't eat it unless it's my mama's, but of course, she sets the bar pretty darn high when it comes to fruit jams in general! So it's with absolute confidence in my "refined palette" that I recommend Dickinson's Marion Blackberry preserves! (Oh, and do try Panera's fresh breads...better than ANYthing you can find at the market!)

*Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day liquid hand soap in lavender.

I recently went on a bit of a spree at Drugstore.com (I heart that site) and decided to try this hand soap; I think I've read at least half a dozen bloggers recommending this product. And it did not disappoint! This is the kind of soap that will have you smelling your hands after you've washed and dried them. Now that I know how much I love the hand soap, I think I'll give the other products a whirl -- household cleaners, laundry detergent, etc.

*Old product, new use...Johnson's Baby Lotion!

I feel like I've been using Johnson's baby lotion my entire life (and maybe I have, come to think of it!). I love the soft smell and the great moisturizing you get from this product, and I've also noticed it's a good "layering" product; ie, you can use this lotion right out of the shower, then layer on a fragrance, and the fragrance seems to "stick" better to your skin and because Johnson's is so mild, the fragrance doesn't fight for center stage! My new favorite use for Johnson's is on my burgeoning belly. I tried the famous Belly Butter, but ended up having some kind of weird allergic reaction to it. I've also tried Burt's Bees Mama Bee Butter, which I also like, but my standby, tried-and-true fave has to be Johnson's...and guess what? At nearly 25 weeks, I have ZERO stretch marks. That's right! No marks, no lines, no nothing. Of course, I'm prepared for this to change, but everyone who's had the privilege(?) of seeing my bare belly has commented that it's a very cute one, because it's free of blemish!

Okay, blogging friends, it's that time where I call on you to leave me a good product recommendation. Leave a comment and I will continue to update this blog post with a link to your blog and the product you've recommended. Hopefully, we'll gather together a good list of great products! Vive la products!!! :)

1. Sarah says, Vaseline Intensive Rescue Lotion is great for super dry skin!

2. Kate says, Burt's Bees Pomegranate and Soy Conditioner works for the whole family, and Yoplait's Thick & Creamy Key Lime yogurt is a delish dessert.

Viability! and THE EVIL STORAGE ROOM

I was just about to say that these two title items don't have a thing in common, but upon further reflection, yes they do. They are huge projects in my life (albeit one quite major and one quite minor, in the scheme of things) that are not finished, and in some aspects, feel as though they've just begun.

Today is 24 weeks into my pregnancy, and my little boy is officially "viable." I sort of hate the term, but in doctor-speak, it means my son would receive life-saving medical treatment should he make his way into the world right now...so, I'll gladly use the term! However, just because my William is viable doesn't mean he'd do well outside of my womb; in fact, though "save-able," he'd be at his most vulnerable. And so, it feels in some ways as though my pregnancy has really just begun. We've reached a crucial stage, but the next 4 weeks alone would make a 50% difference in his survivability. Talk about pressure...I know that I know too much about this stuff. But, you get pregnant, you read things! It's so easy for me to want to propel us somehow into the future and skip a couple months, but I know God gives parents 9 months to prepare for their young'uns, and I should take that time without questioning the wisdom of it. Whoever said it was right on: waiting really is the hardest part.

As for the other project, the dreaded EVIL STORAGE ROOM, Marty and I finally made some headway into the clearing and purging and organizing of it today. I said a few weeks ago that we were going to get started, but we ended up devoting that day toward the cleaning and purging and organizing of our office, which was far more necessary and urgent of a task. So even though I'm glad we tabled the EVIL STORAGE ROOM for another day (today as it turned out), I can hardly believe that we've only just started this hateful chore. I would just like to say that when two people come together to form a home, and both of those people have baggage from past marriages (especially when each of us previously owned houses), and both of those people have lived in 4 different places in the past 2 years (respectively!), there's a lot of just plain old stuff hanging around! And even though it feels good to sort and throw away and give away and see that your "keep" pile is teeny-tiny, it's such an exhausting chore and I know we have a few weekends of such choring ahead of us yet, and that's daunting, to say the least.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with me yet? The funny thing is, my attitude is not one of complaint. I'm beyond incredibly thankful that I have a life with my husband, that I've been rescued from bad things and bad times, and that we have such a beautiful future, especially with the coming of our son. I truly have everything I've ever wanted in life, yet there's always this difficulty with achieving contentment, isn't there? "Yes, God, I have a wonderful husband and a baby on the way, but could You just get him here now and organize my stuff for me while You're at it?" I think this is the real challenge in life, especially the peaceful life that I so want to live: to just be thankful for our blessings in whatever form they're currently taking. To not rush through life, and just enjoy the gentle unfolding of each gift!

Charleston pictures II, or why antiquing rocks my world

Okay, so these aren't technically pictures of Charleston, but they are pictures of items I bought in Charleston! And at my favorite antiques store, no less, which I mentioned in this post.

Christa can testify, I kinda went a little geeked when I saw these Wedgwood china Peter Rabbit dishes, made in England, of course! When Marty and I were registering for baby items a couple weeks back, we saw mostly practical dishes and only a few keepsake dishes, all of which I hated (I had seen some beauties in Tiffany's in New York, but who has hundreds of dollars for baby dishes?). I think even little men need some "good china" for their important holidays and "firsts," so you can count on me using these dishes for his first bowl of cereal, his first Thanksgiving, and so on! Hopefully I can use them for all our children and they'll survive my inherent clumsiness.

the set of three: plate, bowl, and mug

the plate, up close (can you read the precious words?)

the bowl, up close

the mug's front

and finally, the mug's back

Not only do I look forward to feeding him cream of wheat and bananas from his dishes, I also can't wait to snuggle my little boy up in a blanket and rock him and read to him from Beatrix Potter's sweet and delightful stories. How precious and innocent and perfect will that be???

Charleston pictures I, or why pregnant women can't defy gravity

Christa: What a cool set of columns, a perfect place to take pictures! Now, how can we get Becky up here?

*shimmying and some unladylike grunting occurs*

Becky: Oh my stars, this will never happen. I can't vault my body in any upwardly direction!

Becky: Oh well, I'll just have to pose where I'm standing. Do you think they'll notice my double-chin, Christa?

22 weeks' doctor's visit

the arm's-length approach to picture-taking; Mama and Daddy in the waiting room.

Last Friday, Marty and I went to my 22 weeks' appointment with my OB/GYN (as it turns out, 1 of the 3 in the practice). This was our first appointment with Dr. Carrillo (Cah-ree-oh), who I loved nearly immediately and then REALLY loved when she shared that during her own pregnancy, even as a doctor, she had questions and wondered if certain things were normal. She reassured me that doubting and worrying is a state of mind shared by all expecting mothers! That was nice to hear, that what I've been experiencing of late is common. I told her about the insomnia resulting from anxiety, and after asking several questions and reviewing my chart again, she told me I'm doing "marvelously" and if I could just sweat it out for another couple weeks to reach the point of viability, then I'd feel a whole lot better. She said, "Make it to 24 weeks, and we'll be able to do all kinds of things to make sure your baby survives." Then I asked her, "Okay, how do I get through the next 2 weeks???" She just smiled and said, "Try distracting yourself in any way you can." Fortunately, I just happened to have a girls' weekend planned in Charleston starting the very next day (more on that to come!), so the timing appears to have been pretty darn good to be told to go distract myself for a bit!

All in all, it was a great doctor's visit. Will's heartbeat was in the high 140's and low 150's, and Dr. Carrillo said that was perfect. The most amazing finding was that I've gained only EIGHT pounds!!! I'm nearly in third trimester and I'm hoping that my weight gain will continue to be minimal (although my sister Sarah tells me that with her boys, she didn't gain much until third trimester and then she really packed it on at the end! Well, this is one circumstance where I DON'T want to follow in her footsteps...) And honestly, I feel like I look larger than an 8-pound weight gain, so the numbers feel kinda arbitrary anyway. I just want to continue to be semi-comfortable and semi-mobile, along with semi-recognizable, and I'll call it good. My blood pressure continues to be completely normal, although they did find something wonky with my thyroid levels, but since I've had thyroid issues nearly all my life, it will only take a wee adjustment in my meds to fix this. So -- a great report! And only 9 days to go until official viability, then I'll breathe a big sigh of relief and buckle my seatbelt for the remaining ride, hopefully until week 40 (or 39...can you hear Mama, William?). :)

Daddy took pictures of "his babies."

Waiting for Dr. Carrillo.

a shortie

I just want to share that my little boy is currently kicking me so hard, he's hitting nerves in my belly and making me jump. And his mama doesn't mind one bit -- although my startle reflex is getting frazzled! I just crack up at this little man with his bursts of energy and enthusiasm, and it makes it so much harder to wait to meet him! I love you, William!!!

Baby Indiana Jones and a good weekend

Whew. That's how I feel right now, like it's time to breathe a deep sigh of relief after days and days of busy-ness and lots of emotions. Mid-week last week, I started dealing with raging insomnia that was further plagued by serious bouts of anxiety, all focused in on the baby and our upcoming move to Indy (and the need for a job for Marty there first!). Let's just say that my nesting instinct came on full-force, and because we desperately hope not to be here in Tennessee when William comes, there's no place set aside here as a nursery for him, and for some reason, this drives me bonkers. I mean, up at 2 a.m. kind-of bonkers! All the worries about getting a job in time and moving were exacerbated by a couple days straight of William not moving very much. I don't know about other pregnant mamas, but my baby's movements are my reassurance that everything's going okay with him, so you can imagine how I feel when those movements become scarce! Anyway, after the second night of holding his inconsolable, weeping wife in the pre-dawn hours, my husband very geniusly suggested that he take me home to Indy for the weekend. And I immediately felt better! That's how in-my-own-head I was last week -- I couldn't even think of a solution like visiting home. I needed someone to think of it for me! So, Friday afternoon, we were off to Indy and despite the 7-hour drive, I was quite energetic upon arrival. My mom and dad and Marty and I, plus my Aunt Janice who happened to be staying over, talked until almost 1 in the morning over pieces of blueberry pie. What a huge change from my recent experiences at that time of the morning!!!

And that began just the loveliest weekend. I got to cuddle with my nieces and nephews and make new memories with them, like my little bruiser Elijah playing dinosaurs with me, but insisting "they not scary" although he made roaring noises over and over. So-FLIPPIN'-cute. And Abby demanding to know where her cousin was, and then lifting up my t-shirt so she could try to peer into my belly to see him! We also got to spend time with Ellen and Katie and Chris, and then we went to Katie and Chris' church on Sunday morning, where I saw lots of old and dear friends (I think Kristen and I were seconds away from bawling upon seeing each other!). The best part was Pastor Josh's sermon, though, which was exactly what I needed. He was preaching from Galatians 5 and talking about the works of the flesh, and when he got to idolatry, he explained that the sin of idolatry is obsessing over anything that we put above God, and loving anything that we put above our love for God and His perfect will for our lives. And man-oh-man, was I ever convicted on that point. I told Marty on the way home, I have been so guilty of wanting my perfect little life (loving husband, healthy baby boy, beautiful home, etc.) above wanting whatever God has intended for me. And that it's so easy to start loving the gifts so much that you forget to love the GIVER of those gifts! And I think it's that very sin of idolatry that has kept me up at nights, because in the end, I know I can't force my will on life and I can't control the outcomes of this pregnancy and William's birth, and that by loving God's will, I can be at peace no matter what happens. VERY hard lesson to learn, especially for one who has always longed for a loving husband and the blessing of a child!

So, I came home relaxed and feeling better about things. Of course, then I had to work until I fried my brain yesterday to finish a project, but today things are smooth-sailing and I'm just so thankful for all my gifts in life. Indeed, the minute I stopped worrying about William so much, he turned into my Indiana Jones baby! I told Marty that yesterday he was moving around so much, it actually felt like he was spelunking his little cave-womb and mapping it out, trying to find the exit (which won't appear until July, young man!). I could just imagine my little explorer wearing an Indiana Jones hat while he curiously felt around his environment. He was moving so much in so many new ways, it was cracking me up! He has also started to respond to specific stimuli, namely his daddy's voice and laughter, songs with a discernible beat to them, and even sermons (he kicks me every time I'm sitting in church!). He also responds to mealtime, especially dinner. So far, I think I have a sociable, musical, theological kid who loves good food, which in all truth, is a carbon copy of his daddy!!! I just love it.

Floating on gratitude today!