All you need is love

Nice sentiment, Paul, John, Ringo, and George, but it couldn't be more false.

The past 2 months have been the hardest of my life. I have been sick before, but never for an extended period of time, and never like this. I have battled nausea and fatigue nearly every moment of every day. As I tell Marty, if every pregnancy were like this, the world would be filled with "only" children.

One of the hardest parts has been the absolute loss of energy. I can't seem to do anything I need to do, let alone anything I enjoy doing. Gone are the days of sipping good coffee, reading books in bed after Will is asleep, going out to dinner with my little family. Instead, if I'm not working, chances are I'm in bed, sleeping or zoning in front of the TV. I eat meals in there, play with Puppy in there, even work in there when I can. The only thing I have managed to keep doing is feeding, bathing, and rocking Will. I refuse to give up these "tasks" because they help to nourish and heal me. I adore being a mommy and I can't lose sight of why I'm going through all this.

Along with the sickness and loss of energy, though, has come a dependence on the care and help of my husband. This is truly difficult for me because I'm a nurturer at heart. I want to be the one taking care of someone, anticipating needs and providing comfort. Instead, I have become the unwilling but oh-so-grateful recipient of Marty's care.

I believe not only that everything happens for a reason, but that things happen for multiple reasons. God is a multi-tasker! This period of illness has taught me to pray for strength. It has given me new perspective on priorities. It has taught me, even in the midst of horrible discomfort, to be grateful for the wee baby that I'm carrying, because I remember all too well the pain of not being pregnant when I wanted to be. But most of all, this illness has taught me what a beautiful marriage looks like when "in sickness and in health" becomes reality.

From the beginning, Marty and I have always enjoyed passion, interest, companionship, and of course, love in our relationship. But it's not all you need. When the hard times come, you absolutely must have patience, kindness, compassion, humility, self-sacrifice, and a keen sense of humor. Every single day, my husband shows me these things. He is tireless and uncomplaining in all the things he does to care for me and Will. In short, he has taught me more about a loving marriage in the last 2 months than in all our time together thus far.

My Marty, I love you so much. You'll never know how grateful I am for your generous love toward me and your undying patience. I'm in awe that I get to have you for my very own, for all time.

(sorry for the blurry picture but our digital camera died and all we have is Marty's trusty iPhone! I was pregnant in this picture but didn't know it yet. That glow soon turned green!)

This, too, shall pass

That's my mantra these days. I tell myself this constantly, as I struggle to get out of bed, as I struggle to eat, as I struggle to get a load of laundry done. Life with this second pregnancy has become one big struggle.

Since some people want to know and since I don't mind sharing, no, we weren't planning this pregnancy, at least not this soon. But, here we are, expecting our second baby in August of 2010. Yes, that nearly makes Will and his little brother or sister "Irish twins" (kiddos born within 12 months of each other), but not quite. However, with the Irish last name Conway, we've certainly taken our fair share of teasing. Lots of people have given us the "You know how this happens, right?" which is my least favorite. Thank you, yes, we know. Brilliant joke, truly hysterical.

Anyway, we went to see Dr. Pickler last week and she did an ultrasound and found that our wee little one is growing perfectly and right on track, with a heart rate of 159 bpm. It was absolutely crazy to be back in her office, back on the table, looking at a monitor showing a teeny-tiny baby. Sometimes, waking up in my new place and with this new knowledge, I feel completely lost for a few minutes. Like a wise friend once said, "You have to find the new normal." I'm still looking for it. If you see my new normal, will you send it in my general direction?

Dr. Pickler also prescribed me an anti-nausea medicine called Zofran. I take it every 12 hours and haven't missed a dose yet; I utterly depend on it. It doesn't completely eliminate the nausea, but it does take the edge off. I was never, ever this ill with William. I had queasiness, certainly, sensitivity to smells, fatigue, all that stuff, but never this kind of debilitating sickness. There are smells I absolutely can't stand -- even my kitchen countertops. They are a custom concrete with a polyurethane finish, and for some reason, I can SMELL that darned polyurethane finish and it makes me want to be sick to smell it. You can imagine how many dishes I've done lately. Oh, and coffee. The smell of coffee makes me want to run for the hills. Oh coffee, my old friend. Sometimes I think I'll never see you again.

So here I am, popping Zofran and fighting sleep every waking moment (one of Zofran's lovely side effects). I hold my nose while I feed Will his baby food, and especially while I change his diapers. I live off of cinnamon toast, tomato soup, and the magnificent kindness of my husband, who takes care of us every single moment he's at home. He sends me to bed and brings me Sprite, and rubs my back and holds me when I can't stop crying in frustration.

I'm not in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely thankful for this second child, and I know I'll be excited once second trimester (and its blessed relief) comes along, but right now...right now I'm struggling. I could use prayers and babysitting and meals for my husband, but mostly just prayers. I pray constantly for God's strength because I have none of my own. And I constantly tell myself, this, too, shall pass.

Updates

First off, the missing picture:

~30 weeks~

(right before getting into that PT Cruiser and driving 7 hours to Indiana!)

Secondly, Marty's office baby shower: We had such a great time. The office ordered up a good old-fashioned Southern BBQ lunch, with pulled pork BBQ, baked beans, potato salad, cole slaw, sweet tea (all those kind of fixin's). Then we had vanilla and chocolate cupcakes for dessert. Personally, I drank diet/caffeine-free Coke like it was water (probably should have just had WATER), but it tasted so amazingly good to me. Then it was time for the gifties, and we were once again overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of those whom God has filled our lives with...

Marty handed me presents and we took turns opening them and reading the sweet cards.

This was a cute little ducky-themed gift. Inside the package I'm holding is "The Fuzzy Duckling" (the Little Golden Book). I had this book when I was little and I think I read my Little Golden Books for years and years. This particular one came with a matching onesie! The little ducky that Marty is holding is actually a bottle holder -- you stick a bottle down the ducky's mouth and your child can hold a friend while he drinks his bottle. So cute!

Few things delight us like big ole boxes of Pampers. This was a box of size 2's, which is where we're shallowing in the stock-up pile. Yay for diaper stocking!

Among the other gifts were treasures such as a onesie that says "When God made me, He was just showing off" and another one that proclaims "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I love these little "statement" onesies. I gave Marty a onesie for Will (pre-Father's Day) that says "If you think I'm cute, you should see my Daddy." We also received some football-themed items, much to Marty's delight. He is so excited to sit down with his son on NFL opening night and introduce Will to the wonders of football. :)

Here's me with Marty's dear friend Brian, the other lawyer in the office (who has a little boy and gives us great advice!):

It was so much fun for me to see Marty's friends and coworkers spoil him and love on him like they did. I know what a jewel of a man I have, but it's so lovely to experience others appreciating him, too. Thank you so much, Tennessee Department of Labor! You guys rock!

Finally, a few hours later, we went to our 32-week appointment at the doctor's. We saw Dr. Pickler again, who is the most business-like of the 3 OBs we see, but she can be pretty darn funny, too. Stats from this visit: 1) my blood pressure is staying almost exactly the same, and I'm so thankful for this -- 108/64; 2) I gained 3 pounds -- not loving this, but I know this is super-normal for mid-third trimester; 3) my fundus measurement was 34 cms, exactly what Marty and I had predicted in the car on the way to the office. I seem to be staying right at 2 cms ahead of my gestational progress. The only thing that bothered me this visit was Will's heartbeat, which Dr. Pickler first found at 117 bpm. This really scared me at first, since his heartbeat has never been that low, but Dr. Pickler stimulated Will with the doppler and she says he must have been sleeping, because he woke up, moved around, and his heartbeat went straight into the low 140's. She said that a reactive baby like that is a good, healthy baby, and I will just have to take her word for it, I know. I can't quite get that feeling of worry out of my mind, though...

~32 weeks~
(in the doctor's office)

One other thing I forgot to mention -- we "graduated" from childbirth class on Monday night, with a certificate and everything! So many baby doings this week that I failed to mention one of the most important ones. My brother-in-law John asked me what this actually "certifies" us to be or do, and I said, I really think it just certifies us as "not completely ignorant on the methods of childbirth." I really enjoyed our classes, even though the final night was both scary -- we watched a video where they spare you NOTHING in the ways of sounds and images -- and delightful -- we toured the Women's Center and saw birthing rooms, and most importantly, the nursery. There was a little peanut in there, just under 7 pounds, and he was squirming in that wonderful infant way in his bassinet -- it was all I could do to resist the urge to go scoop him up and coo at him. My maternal urges are crazy-strong right now! Just a few weeks to go, just a few weeks to go...

for sake of comparison...

~22 weeks~

~31 weeks~

I just saw these two pictures side-by-side and had to share: what a difference 9 weeks makes! And I have 7 weeks to go -- isn't that scary?

It must be Baby Week

So much going on this week, I just want to jot it down:

1. First off, I don't want to say much until she posts it on her blog, but my BF Kate gave birth to a young man named Jack this morning. Naturally. As in, no epidural. Who else thinks this woman is a goddess??? I'm beyond pleased that Jack's arrival was safe and healthy for all, and that Kate is reveling in new mommyhood once again. And man-oh-man, I can't wait to join her in that state. William, can you come a wee bit early like your buddy Jack did? Say, 6 weeks from now? Mommy would really, really, really LOVE that!
2. Tomorrow is a huge Baby day in our household: a) Marty's coworkers are giving us a lunchtime baby shower and we are so excited! I just hope I can find places for the gifts -- we are full-swing into nursery preparation now and I will share pictures just as soon as I can -- but we're already running out of storage for everything! b) We are having our 32-week doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. And I just realized that I totally forgot to share the stats from the 30-week appointment: my fundus measured 32 cms (1 more cm and I would have been whisked off for an ultrasound to make sure Will isn't getting TOO big in there); my BP was excellent at 108/65; and I lost(???) 6 ounces -- I was thrilled at first, but then I started to think maybe Will wasn't getting enough nutrition, but the doctor told us that Will is doing great, and he's getting plenty, and this lack of weight gain is normal for me, at this point. My doctor did say that this probably wouldn't be a trend, so not to get too excited. :) I also have a 30-weeks picture floating around here somewhere, and I'll try to post that when I find it.
3. Friday we're going for a 3-D/4-D ultrasound! Sadly, we are on the very ledge of the "window of time" for getting good images. Who knew that 32 weeks would be too late for such a thing? But apparently, Will might be too squished up in there to get clear pictures of his face, but we're going to try anyway. Why not? And if we're successful, I'll be sure to post a couple pix here. Someone told my husband that doing this is like "opening our present before Christmas Day" but we don't see it like that at all. We are taking advantage of an amazing technological opportunity to get a good "glimpse" (honestly, that's all it is) of our son as he continues to grow and develop. Of course he'll look different in 6-7 weeks, and of course he'll look different on the outside! Personally, having a picture of his face, no matter how squished or blurry, will probably help me while I'm laboring to get him into the world. And that's priceless to me!
4. Finally, we are using this upcoming Memorial Day weekend to take a babymoon!!! Yee-haw!!! Okay, so it's 3.5 hours from here and not exactly within the 30-mile radius of home that I'm supposed to observe, but given that I'm a first-time mama with no known complications, we could make it back to our hospital here in JC with plenty of time to spare, if labor were to randomly start. Then again, perhaps it would be even cooler to have William born in Charleston! Yes, that's right, we're headed to Chucktown (one of my favorite places on the whole planet) for 3 whole days. And not just for the rest, peaceful walks on the beach, and good food, but also so my "life photographer" and dear friend Leslie can take some maternity pictures of me/us. She did such an amazing job on our wedding pictures, and we love that she captured "us" and our style, so we'd like to have some maternity pictures done in the same vein. I can't wait to see what she will do! And I also can't wait to just hang out with her and soak up some of her sunshine personality. She is so good for me!

That's all for now, but lots of updates and pictures to come. Happy Monday, everyone!

Catching up: business trip, baby shower, birthing classes, and body language

Yep, that's a hefty blog post title, but I have much to cover. It seems so odd that I haven't updated my blog in over 2 weeks, but I think I may have set records for being busy (at least for pregnant girls) in these last 2 weeks!

Business trip: first off, I should mention that we went to our first childbirth class the (Monday) night before I left for my trip, but more on that later. Let's just say for now, though, that it gave me quite a bit of food for thought for my 7-hour drive to Indianapolis! Anyway, I departed on Tuesday morning in my rental car (a PT Cruiser!) after giving my Marty a few lingering kisses goodbye -- it was pretty awful leaving him and the safety I feel with him, especially in these last few weeks of pregnancy. However, I was armed with copies of my prenatal records, just in case something were to happen while I was away from my doctors and hospital (and husband!). The 7-hour trip was pretty brutal, both on my concentration (I get very sleepy in the afternoons) and on my bladder! But I finally made it to the Omni downtown Indy, where I'd be staying the next couple nights, and then met up with my coworkers Caron and Teri. The 3 of us function as a vendor editorial team for a few writing teams at _____ (big pharma company in Indy; for some reason I'm loath to use the actual name here -- privacy concerns and all that?). Anyway, we went to Spaghetti Factory and had the greatest time with each other; it's so funny because we "talk" on email every day but have only physically met twice! I also met my boss for the first time in the Omni lobby that night -- who else can say that after reporting to your boss for nearly a year??? Work-from-home is a crazy thing sometimes! The next day was a series of meeting people and sitting in meetings. That day we did a lot of walking around to different meeting rooms, and by the afternoon, I was coming down a staircase when I suddenly had a series of Braxton-Hicks contractions. I didn't tell anyone right away, just wanting to stay on my feet until we reached our destination. This was only my second experience with Braxton-Hicks, and for some reason, I always break out into a sweat when I feel them, because they come on with swift intensity and are pretty strong and border on painful. They ended as soon as I had been sitting down for a few minutes, which my doctor told me was normal (too much activity can bring them on, and therefore, ceasing the activity can stop them completely). Fortunately, the next day we pretty much stayed in the same room all day, so the only activity I had were my frequent trips to the restroom. I know people understand that pregnant women need to run to the potty quite a bit, but I'm sorry, it's still embarrassing to have people observe how many times you've exited the room in an hour's time!!! All-in-all, it was a great business trip, especially because I finally got to put so many faces to the names I see in my inbox every day (yeah, I'm particularly talking about you, Laura!). Thursday afternoon I dropped a couple of coworkers off at the new Indy airport (so stunning, so chic! Good job, Indianapolis!) and made my way to Greenwood, aka, "home." I got to see my parents, sister Sarah, and my nieces and nephews -- it had been a couple months since our last visit, and everyone was pretty astonished at the size of my belly. I joked that I had a soccer ball up my shirt but my 2-year-old nephew Elijah didn't get it and kept wanting up my shirt to retrieve that soccer ball! So stinkin' cute. Then I showed him my skin and told him it was a baby, and he patted my belly and said "baby" but seemed pretty disappointed that it was a baby and not a soccer ball. Oh the priorities of a 2-year-old boy. :) That night and Friday were spent in various activities with my family -- my mom took me baby-gear shopping on Friday afternoon, then Sarah and Garrett took me out to dinner and to see the new Star Trek movie on Friday night. I had the greatest time, but kept wanting my hubby to be with me!!! Saturday morning I met Ellen for our tradition of Starbucks + manis/pedis, and I had the greatest time there, too. The Asian folks who run the place know us (that tells you how often El and I frequent the joint!) and hugged me upon seeing the prodigal return for a visit from Tennessee! Then it was home to take a quick shower, receive some Mother's Day tulips at the door from my Marty (oh yes, he is absolutely the perfect husband), and then I was off to my baby shower!

Baby shower:

The mama with that soccer ball up her dress! (Me and Will at exactly 31 weeks.)

The beautiful cake with baby booties (I think one of my little nieces went in for a finger sample at the front...).

The bountiful spread: my mom's famous chicken salad on croissants and bakery buns, spinach dip with Hawaiian bread, veggies and dip, cheeseball with crackers and chips, garden salad, fruit salad, pasta salad, and pineapple punch!

The bountiful goodies...I was honestly overwhelmed with the love and generosity shown to me, Marty, and our little son. The gift bags covered several feet in diameter on my sister's kitchen floor, and it just left me gaping with awe and gratitude.

Some of my guests -- so much love in the room. And the impromptu entertainment was provided by my nieces Ada and Abby, who performed a princess dance in their little pink dresses and toy wands. (Once again, I pray to the Father to give me a little girl, too!)

Me and Ellen, who did all the note-taking for me (it was a serious job!).

Opening gifts...

I love the little man-robes!

Exhausted but so happy to have finally experienced this lovely rite of passage that I had looked forward to -- quite literally -- all my life.

Thank you so much to everyone who attended and/or sent a gift. Marty was stunned to see all the bags piled up in our living room, and we are just beyond grateful for all the love you've shown to us. Thank you for outfitting our little boy and his nursery in such style! And for giving me a dream come true (a very special thank-you to my sisters for this). If it had been up to me, I would have experienced all this many years ago, but God's timing is perfect, and I am walking proof of that. Thank you God for all the blessings, given in the best way and at the right time!

Birthing class: (isn't this post over yet??? you are wondering...) So Marty and I went to our second birthing class just a couple nights ago, and it was even more sobering than the first one. Now, our teacher (a labor/delivery nurse for over 20 years), Cindy, is a lovely woman, but she tells it like it is. She doesn't avoid nonsociable words and she really doesn't avoid any topics, no matter how sensitive or private they feel. We are learning quite a bit, and while some of it is fascinating and exciting, other parts are downright scary. I might need a blood transfusion after birth? Eh? I might have to push for 3 hours only to be given a C-section? Double-eh? THAT's what 10 centimeters looks like? Oh glory be! Cindy is not only giving us a birthing education, she's also teaching us breathing techniques (I swear I started to fall asleep during the exercise on Monday -- envisioning a beach while breathing slowly) and explaining all the options we have for labor and delivery. Surprisingly (to me), she has also recommended writing a birth plan. I have heard that presenting a birth plan can be something of an affront to the nursing staff caring for you, and I've no desire to set those important people at odds with me from the moment of "go." However, Cindy has stipulated that we not follow any Internet templates, nor write something 20 pages long. She says to just keep it simple and only include what you feel strongly about. Easy enough, I think: we know that we'd rather have the doctor cut the cord, that Marty and I want to be by ourselves (no guests) during the actual birth, that we want Will kept with us for an hour or so after birth so I can nurse him and we can bond as a family, etc., etc. I also know that I want an epidural if and when I get to that point (I'd like to see how far I can go but I'm not stubbornly holding out for an "au naturel" birth because I'm intimately familiar with my pain threshold). There are probably about 20-25 stipulations we would like to see enforced, but they will certainly fit on 1 piece of paper and (hopefully) wouldn't overwhelm my nurse(s), nor make them feel like they're limited/hampered in doing their job(s).

Body language: Finally, this past week has been something of a change for me in pregnancy symptoms. Maybe it's exacerbated by all the traveling and busy-ness and stress, but I've begun to experience swelling in my hands, feet, and ankles. Every morning I wake up with numb, tingly hands, and it usually takes a couple hours for me to be able to move my wedding ring on my finger. Socks leave angry red impressions on my ankles, and I've taken to only wearing flip-flops (unless it's raining, which really frustrates me!). In addition, I feel this weird pressurized feeling on my chest (especially there), down my arms, and down my thighs. It so freaked me out the other night that I paged my doctor about it (I have to defend myself here; I've made it to nearly 32 weeks without ever having paged the doctor, so I think that's pretty good!). Dr. Pickler reassured me that at this stage of pregnancy, my diaphragm has moved up and there is extra pressure on my chest cavity, and even though it doesn't feel like I'm getting enough oxygen, as long as I can carry on a conversation, that indicates I'm getting plenty of air. She said the pressure I feel in and on my limbs is also perfectly normal. Even though it didn't make me feel much better (I wasn't given any advice on how to alleviate any of the above!), at least I knew I wasn't starting down the road to Scaryville things like toxemia (I had this thought in my head for some reason). It's pretty daunting to think I have 8 weeks to go, and how much worse these things will feel, and how much bigger I'll get(!), but then again, it's only another 8 weeks and then we'll experience the long-awaited arrival of our little man. I can't wait!!!

Whew! End of post, thank goodness. Thanks to my sister Katie for the shower pictures!

the April list

*New categories!*

Okay, I'm sure this excites no one else but me. I think of my blog as the closest thing I'm capable of keeping as far as a personal journal goes, so I wanted my monthly list to capture just a wee bit more than what it had been. So here goes!

*new* What we're watching: American Idol, and for me, because of Adam Lambert!

Um, could I love this kid any more than I do??? He was my favorite from the very beginning (don't believe me? Ask my husband -- I picked him out long before he made any of the big cuts!). I love his adorably punk self, with the black nails and spiked hair and earrings. You better believe it. I keep telling Marty that he's this amazing combination of Freddie Mercury, Steve Perry, and Barry Gibb! Oh, the falsetto he can achieve! The only reason I'm really watching American Idol these days is to catch my 5 minutes of Adam Lambert, because the crazily greedy people at the network CHARGE you on iTunes just to catch the latest competition songs. How stupid is that? Anyway, whether he wins or not (and personally, he really doesn't HAVE any competition up there), I know he's going on to have a great career, and Marty has already promised me concert tickets and CDs when they come out! Honestly, it's not just his extraordinary talent that has captured my attention. He is the only contestant who always acknowledges his back-up vocalists and band performers. He is actually quite humble and gracious for a kid who's a total rock star!!! I heart you, Adam Lambert!

We're also watching The Office (last night's episode had to be the best one ever -- Jim is always the hero!) and 30 Rock, as usual. The Thursday night line-up is really the only thing we consistently watch besides American Idol. Usually we're Food Network and HGTV junkies.

What I'm reading: I've been a reading fiend this month -- perhaps I know it's because my time is running out to devote hours upon hours to books??? I can tell my son one day that ONLY for him would Mommy have ever given up her book time!

1) A Reliable Wife, by Robert Goolrick. I finished this one a couple weeks ago, and wow, this was a sexy book! However, the sexiness was intrinsically tied to the plot, and I can't say anymore without revealing too much, but if you like thrillers/mysteries with great characters, and you don't mind a certain degree of sensual content, this is a great book for you. There is a major plot twist that I had to read 3 times to be sure I understood the revelation!

2) Mommywood, by one of my favorite celebrities (don't judge me, even deep, complex people can have favorite celebrities, in my humble opinion!), Ms. Tori Spelling! Kids, this girl cracks me up. She has one of the most unique perspectives on Hollywood and all the glitz and glamour, because she was raised in such a privileged way, but has been self-reliant her entire adult life (her mother is a real piece of work). She is so honest and her sense of humor is right up my alley. And I loved reading about her experiences with motherhood, for those very reasons -- she's brutally honest and laughs at all her misadventures along the way (the poop in the pool incident was hysterical). Fluffy to the extreme, but I highly recommend it.

3) Finally, Marty and I are sort of co-reading this Smart Guide to the Book of Revelation by Daymond Duck and Larry Richards. I guess you could say I'm a (very?) amateur theologian, because I love understanding the Bible and church history and apologetics, and though I'm pretty well-versed (get it?) in some areas (I could teach Genesis), I'm quite woefully ignorant in others (uh, Revelation). So far, I am really getting into it. I now know the significance of the seven angels, seven letters, seven lampstands, etc. And I love how the book (Revelation) is written -- so much parallelism and great imagery. Of course, when I get further into it, I might really be ready to pull my hair out because I know it gets pretty difficult the deeper you go. But Marty and I are having fun reading this and discussing. We come from such different viewpoints: I believe in the Rapture and I'm a sold-out Millenialist, whereas he was raised not believing in the Rapture and is quite a-Millenialist. So this book is prompting all kinds of discussion in our home! One of our favorite things to do is have a down-and-dirty theological debate. How nerdy are we?

What we're spending on: A cradle, probably something like this one.Thing is, I HATE the rollers/casters. I'm sure they're practical for putting the baby down for a nap in various rooms throughout the day (so it serves you, rather than you being a slave to its location), but we'd be opting for a cradle over a bassinet anyway because of the aesthetic. I just can't get into the frilly, fluffy, bells-and-whistles bassinets. They look cheap and ugly to me! Anyway, I love the classic look of a cradle, but I'm going to see if those casters come OFF before I buy! Or I'll just get used to it and somewhere around the middle of July be thankful that the cradle can roll around!

What we're saving for: The pay-off of my labor & delivery bill. I never knew you had to make payments on these things loooong before you have your first contraction! Or is it just my screwy insurance? I don't know, but heavens-to-Betsy, it feels weird making payments on something that won't happen for 11 weeks yet, and especially so, considering my mind gets all fuzzy when I start thinking of how everything's going to go down...I think my mind goes into self-protection mode, like, "don't think about it yet, Becky! Too scary just now!"

What I need to do: File all my paperwork for maternity leave (yee-haw!). Get a couple more outfits/dresses for business trip/baby shower in May. Learn the ins and outs of nursing bras and invest in a few (here's where nursing moms, past and present, give me all kinds of advice on brands, etc.). Move my office downstairs, set up nursery in current office (this is going to be no SMALL task).

What I'm thinking about: God's providential care. He keeps working things out in my life, more perfectly than I could have planned or dreamed. One of these days I'm going to actually learn to trust Him implicitly.

What I'm working on: You guessed it. Evil Storage Room. It really is a monstrous project, and while we are making progress, it seems like the chore that will not die.

*new* Things I've learned this month: 1) That you're supposed to have 3 sets of sheets for every bed in your home: one on the bed, one in the laundry, and one clean and folded, waiting in the closet. I'm pretty sure I got this handy advice from House Beautiful (magazine). 2) That sometimes colds last longer than 7-10 days. I still can't hear out of my left ear. 3) That I'm sick to death of "going green" ads and commercials and shows and articles and just get out of my face about the environment already!!! One of my magazines last month told me to stop using Windex, paper towels, bottled water, the list went on and ON. Of course I don't want to trash our planet, but for heaven's sake, I'm going to wipe down dirty mirrors with Windex and paper towels and then take a nice big slug from an Evian when I'm done, thank you very much, if that's what I WANT to do! We don't live in a communist country (yet).

What I'm happy about: May is just around the corner, and we're so busy that month, that before I blink, June will be here and we're hoping to take a quick little "babymoon" if we can afford it. I plan on doing NOTHING the month of June and just enjoying the last few weeks of having my hubby all to myself, before we embark on the grand adventure of parenthood!

That's it for now. Happy weekend everyone! It's going to be in 80s all weekend here, and Evil Storage Room notwithstanding, we're going to spend time outside!!!

More pregnancy information than you can shake a stick at

Pregnancy information about me, that is. I want to start off with a few of my favorite recent interactions with people...

Interaction #1
Random lady at WalMart: *grins at my belly* "When are you due, hon?"
Me: "Oh, not 'til July."
Random lady at WalMart: "JULY???" (Please read as much exaggeration in her tone as you can imagine, and you wouldn't be far off.)

Interaction #2
Dude at church handing me the bulletin: *grins at my belly* "How are you this morning?"
Me: "Oh, pretty good."
Dude at church: "Are you sure you're going to make it through the service?" (Strong implication that he fears imminent labor. I was 25 weeks at the time.)

Interaction #3
Lady I know from church but encountered at Kroger: *grins at my belly* "Wow, you're really coming along there!"
Me: "Yeah, I know, I just really popped out!"
Lady I know from church: "Are you sure you're not having twins???"

I promise you, I invented none of this. In fact, wherever Marty and I go about town, whether we know the people or not, we get comments. All. The. Time. Another example...this past weekend we decided to start stocking up on diapers. We stood in the diaper aisle for quite some time, debating this brand and that brand..."honey, does that one have a slot for the cord?"..."but honey, this one's cheaper"...you can imagine. Anyway, we were actually enjoying getting our feet wet in this tiny area of new parenthood when a lady (who'd been debating paper towels and obviously listening) couldn't help but say aloud, "Gee, you can really tell first-timers!" Her tone was humorous but because from the time I started showing, and I became the target of well-intentioned but rather lame comments, my outward response has always been a smile and a little nod of the head, but inside I can't help but be slightly irritated. Marty always wants me to take it positively, because he sees people who generally just smile at my belly and look at us with an "oh how cute" expression. And I suppose I'd miss some of the comments (ie, attention), but the comments concerning my size...well, I'm just about OVER those.

Anyway, moving on to our Week 26 visit with the good doctors at JC OB/GYN. This time we saw Dr. Pickler, who tends to be my least favorite, but we had a really great visit with her featuring a pretty long Q&A session about labor and delivery. The answers from our session revealed I might need to have a C-section (I need surgical records from a hospital stay from about 5 years ago so they can make that decision). I'm not thrilled with that prospect at all, but from what we were told, a scheduled C-section would be so much preferable and safer, just in case my uterus has been "compromised" by previous finaglings in there (for lack of a better expression!). I would very much like to deliver vaginally, and I was given so much reassurance from Dr. Pickler regarding the practice's general rules for administering episiotomies (only in case baby is in danger, otherwise, patience is the rule!). Big sigh of relief there.

In other news, my BP is excellent at 105/65 and perhaps the greatest news of all, I've only gained 13 pounds my entire pregnancy thus far!!! The average is 16-22 pounds by this point in pregnancy, and I love that I'm staying under the curve. Not that there's anything wrong with gaining the average (or more), but kids, I'm five-foot-two. There's nowhere to hide any extraneous poundage. And who knows, the pounds might pack on yet, so for right now, I'm just going to be very grateful. The shortness of breath is bad enough with the weight I'm already carrying!

My under-the-curve weight has not affected my sweet William, though. The fundus measurement of my belly was 29 cms at 26.5 weeks, which means, good-sized baby who's right on track. There for a minute I got excited, because I know that your gestational weeks and fundus measurement in centimeters should roughly match up, but Dr. Pickler gently burst my bubble by telling me that yes, they generally match up, but with a rule of plus or minus 3 cms either way. Pooh. Will's heartbeat was his usual 148 bpm; I had to giggle because he is so incredibly consistent with his little heartbeat. In fact, I could have guessed 148, because he never wavers out of a range of about 3 bpms!

I also did the glucose test; I had to drink "Hawaiian punch"-flavored glucose, and honestly, it tasted like Hawaiian punch found in a A-bomb shelter from 1962. Nasty, nasty stuff. I had to brush my teeth immediately afterwards to get the taste out of my mouth, but even then, my stomach rebelled and wanted to reject, but I fought it hard. Because if it comes back up, you just have to repeat the darn thing!

Other than these little tidbits from the doctor, not much else is new with me and Will. Except I'm going through a new stage of fatigue, almost reminiscent of early pregnancy. I fall asleep at random times (with a TV blaring and people talking around me!) and tend to need naps in the early afternoon. This might also be due to the fact that my little boy seems to think midnight is the perfect time to wake up and play with Mama. Several nights lately, I've laid in bed begging my son to go night-night so Mommy can get some sleep. It's really hard to be irritated about it, though, because his movements are just so cute -- very intense and purposeful. He's just very wiggly and tumbly -- I think he's bored in there, poor little guy!

Well, I think that's it for now (whew, right?). We're off to Mississippi for a long-ish weekend to see Marty's family. I'm not exactly up for a roadtrip but Marty's made some plans to break up the trip a bit and he's even thrown in something really fun for Monday! I'll share pix of that when we return. Happy Easter, everyone!

Viability! and THE EVIL STORAGE ROOM

I was just about to say that these two title items don't have a thing in common, but upon further reflection, yes they do. They are huge projects in my life (albeit one quite major and one quite minor, in the scheme of things) that are not finished, and in some aspects, feel as though they've just begun.

Today is 24 weeks into my pregnancy, and my little boy is officially "viable." I sort of hate the term, but in doctor-speak, it means my son would receive life-saving medical treatment should he make his way into the world right now...so, I'll gladly use the term! However, just because my William is viable doesn't mean he'd do well outside of my womb; in fact, though "save-able," he'd be at his most vulnerable. And so, it feels in some ways as though my pregnancy has really just begun. We've reached a crucial stage, but the next 4 weeks alone would make a 50% difference in his survivability. Talk about pressure...I know that I know too much about this stuff. But, you get pregnant, you read things! It's so easy for me to want to propel us somehow into the future and skip a couple months, but I know God gives parents 9 months to prepare for their young'uns, and I should take that time without questioning the wisdom of it. Whoever said it was right on: waiting really is the hardest part.

As for the other project, the dreaded EVIL STORAGE ROOM, Marty and I finally made some headway into the clearing and purging and organizing of it today. I said a few weeks ago that we were going to get started, but we ended up devoting that day toward the cleaning and purging and organizing of our office, which was far more necessary and urgent of a task. So even though I'm glad we tabled the EVIL STORAGE ROOM for another day (today as it turned out), I can hardly believe that we've only just started this hateful chore. I would just like to say that when two people come together to form a home, and both of those people have baggage from past marriages (especially when each of us previously owned houses), and both of those people have lived in 4 different places in the past 2 years (respectively!), there's a lot of just plain old stuff hanging around! And even though it feels good to sort and throw away and give away and see that your "keep" pile is teeny-tiny, it's such an exhausting chore and I know we have a few weekends of such choring ahead of us yet, and that's daunting, to say the least.

Are you feeling overwhelmed with me yet? The funny thing is, my attitude is not one of complaint. I'm beyond incredibly thankful that I have a life with my husband, that I've been rescued from bad things and bad times, and that we have such a beautiful future, especially with the coming of our son. I truly have everything I've ever wanted in life, yet there's always this difficulty with achieving contentment, isn't there? "Yes, God, I have a wonderful husband and a baby on the way, but could You just get him here now and organize my stuff for me while You're at it?" I think this is the real challenge in life, especially the peaceful life that I so want to live: to just be thankful for our blessings in whatever form they're currently taking. To not rush through life, and just enjoy the gentle unfolding of each gift!

22 weeks' doctor's visit

the arm's-length approach to picture-taking; Mama and Daddy in the waiting room.

Last Friday, Marty and I went to my 22 weeks' appointment with my OB/GYN (as it turns out, 1 of the 3 in the practice). This was our first appointment with Dr. Carrillo (Cah-ree-oh), who I loved nearly immediately and then REALLY loved when she shared that during her own pregnancy, even as a doctor, she had questions and wondered if certain things were normal. She reassured me that doubting and worrying is a state of mind shared by all expecting mothers! That was nice to hear, that what I've been experiencing of late is common. I told her about the insomnia resulting from anxiety, and after asking several questions and reviewing my chart again, she told me I'm doing "marvelously" and if I could just sweat it out for another couple weeks to reach the point of viability, then I'd feel a whole lot better. She said, "Make it to 24 weeks, and we'll be able to do all kinds of things to make sure your baby survives." Then I asked her, "Okay, how do I get through the next 2 weeks???" She just smiled and said, "Try distracting yourself in any way you can." Fortunately, I just happened to have a girls' weekend planned in Charleston starting the very next day (more on that to come!), so the timing appears to have been pretty darn good to be told to go distract myself for a bit!

All in all, it was a great doctor's visit. Will's heartbeat was in the high 140's and low 150's, and Dr. Carrillo said that was perfect. The most amazing finding was that I've gained only EIGHT pounds!!! I'm nearly in third trimester and I'm hoping that my weight gain will continue to be minimal (although my sister Sarah tells me that with her boys, she didn't gain much until third trimester and then she really packed it on at the end! Well, this is one circumstance where I DON'T want to follow in her footsteps...) And honestly, I feel like I look larger than an 8-pound weight gain, so the numbers feel kinda arbitrary anyway. I just want to continue to be semi-comfortable and semi-mobile, along with semi-recognizable, and I'll call it good. My blood pressure continues to be completely normal, although they did find something wonky with my thyroid levels, but since I've had thyroid issues nearly all my life, it will only take a wee adjustment in my meds to fix this. So -- a great report! And only 9 days to go until official viability, then I'll breathe a big sigh of relief and buckle my seatbelt for the remaining ride, hopefully until week 40 (or 39...can you hear Mama, William?). :)

Daddy took pictures of "his babies."

Waiting for Dr. Carrillo.

a shortie

I just want to share that my little boy is currently kicking me so hard, he's hitting nerves in my belly and making me jump. And his mama doesn't mind one bit -- although my startle reflex is getting frazzled! I just crack up at this little man with his bursts of energy and enthusiasm, and it makes it so much harder to wait to meet him! I love you, William!!!

Baby Indiana Jones and a good weekend

Whew. That's how I feel right now, like it's time to breathe a deep sigh of relief after days and days of busy-ness and lots of emotions. Mid-week last week, I started dealing with raging insomnia that was further plagued by serious bouts of anxiety, all focused in on the baby and our upcoming move to Indy (and the need for a job for Marty there first!). Let's just say that my nesting instinct came on full-force, and because we desperately hope not to be here in Tennessee when William comes, there's no place set aside here as a nursery for him, and for some reason, this drives me bonkers. I mean, up at 2 a.m. kind-of bonkers! All the worries about getting a job in time and moving were exacerbated by a couple days straight of William not moving very much. I don't know about other pregnant mamas, but my baby's movements are my reassurance that everything's going okay with him, so you can imagine how I feel when those movements become scarce! Anyway, after the second night of holding his inconsolable, weeping wife in the pre-dawn hours, my husband very geniusly suggested that he take me home to Indy for the weekend. And I immediately felt better! That's how in-my-own-head I was last week -- I couldn't even think of a solution like visiting home. I needed someone to think of it for me! So, Friday afternoon, we were off to Indy and despite the 7-hour drive, I was quite energetic upon arrival. My mom and dad and Marty and I, plus my Aunt Janice who happened to be staying over, talked until almost 1 in the morning over pieces of blueberry pie. What a huge change from my recent experiences at that time of the morning!!!

And that began just the loveliest weekend. I got to cuddle with my nieces and nephews and make new memories with them, like my little bruiser Elijah playing dinosaurs with me, but insisting "they not scary" although he made roaring noises over and over. So-FLIPPIN'-cute. And Abby demanding to know where her cousin was, and then lifting up my t-shirt so she could try to peer into my belly to see him! We also got to spend time with Ellen and Katie and Chris, and then we went to Katie and Chris' church on Sunday morning, where I saw lots of old and dear friends (I think Kristen and I were seconds away from bawling upon seeing each other!). The best part was Pastor Josh's sermon, though, which was exactly what I needed. He was preaching from Galatians 5 and talking about the works of the flesh, and when he got to idolatry, he explained that the sin of idolatry is obsessing over anything that we put above God, and loving anything that we put above our love for God and His perfect will for our lives. And man-oh-man, was I ever convicted on that point. I told Marty on the way home, I have been so guilty of wanting my perfect little life (loving husband, healthy baby boy, beautiful home, etc.) above wanting whatever God has intended for me. And that it's so easy to start loving the gifts so much that you forget to love the GIVER of those gifts! And I think it's that very sin of idolatry that has kept me up at nights, because in the end, I know I can't force my will on life and I can't control the outcomes of this pregnancy and William's birth, and that by loving God's will, I can be at peace no matter what happens. VERY hard lesson to learn, especially for one who has always longed for a loving husband and the blessing of a child!

So, I came home relaxed and feeling better about things. Of course, then I had to work until I fried my brain yesterday to finish a project, but today things are smooth-sailing and I'm just so thankful for all my gifts in life. Indeed, the minute I stopped worrying about William so much, he turned into my Indiana Jones baby! I told Marty that yesterday he was moving around so much, it actually felt like he was spelunking his little cave-womb and mapping it out, trying to find the exit (which won't appear until July, young man!). I could just imagine my little explorer wearing an Indiana Jones hat while he curiously felt around his environment. He was moving so much in so many new ways, it was cracking me up! He has also started to respond to specific stimuli, namely his daddy's voice and laughter, songs with a discernible beat to them, and even sermons (he kicks me every time I'm sitting in church!). He also responds to mealtime, especially dinner. So far, I think I have a sociable, musical, theological kid who loves good food, which in all truth, is a carbon copy of his daddy!!! I just love it.

Floating on gratitude today!

Halfway Day and the February list

Tomorrow is my official Halfway Day. It should be a recognized holiday in the life of every pregnant woman! I'm so excited to be officially 20 weeks, but I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the remaining 50% of this pregnancy. It seems like AGES ago that we found out we are pregnant -- it was November 6th and we were still trying to grasp that Obama was the new president. Needless to say, the baby news took the edge off that particular disappointment! (No offense to my Democrat friends; you know I love you! But doesn't the stimulus package worry you just a wee bit...?) Anyway, I would love advice on how to stay focused on the finish line and not get bogged down by the ticking of the clock. Mamas out there...how did you do it? Does getting busy planning the nursery and going to baby showers help? Or did you find distraction in other things? Or does the time just finally and eventually pass, like waiting for Christmas? I find that it's almost too difficult to imagine William's birth, or those first precious days as Marty and I and Will become a family, or the moment when my mom gets to hold him, or the looks in my sister's eyes (who are so geeked-excited for me), or when I introduce Will to my niece Abby (who asked her mama, "what's a cousin?")...all of these images make me so antsy I practically dance mentally, and not in a good way!

So, on to bloggy business, my monthly "List":

• What I'm reading: Eclipse, the third in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. I've simply consumed these books, and will need to pick up the fourth this weekend, since I only have a few pages left. Someone tell me what to read after I'm finished!
• What we're spending on: Nada. We're in full-tilt savings mode. Not only do we have a big move coming up with all the associated expenses, we also have some new furniture we're planning on purchasing, plus all the untold numbers of baby items we'll need to buy.
• What we're saving for: See above.
• What I need to do: Pray heartily for a good job opportunity/offer for Marty in Indiana. Walk more and work those muscles I'll need in July! Get my bill-paying system set up more efficiently (I'm basically trying to achieve a "click-and-go" system through our banks so I can still take care of finances when in new baby overload).
• What I'm thinking about: Understanding my parents more. I guess you could say I was somewhat overprotected as a child, but now that I have little William inside me, holy cow, do I ever understand their decisions better. We're already talking about a private Christian academy in Greenwood where we'd like to send Will, at least for kindergarten and elementary school. There's just so much politically correct societal propaganda in public school education, and we want to raise our child our own way and teach him about certain things in life when we think he's mature enough for it.
• What I'm working on: This weekend is it. It's time. I'm going to tackle, once and for all, the EVIL STORAGE ROOM*.
• What I'm happy about: My life. Even though I'm antsy for the future, I've never been so content in my present. God has truly, deeply, and abundantly blessed me.

*once upon a time, this girl got married and started a life with her new husband accompanied only by a few clothes and personal belongings. After a couple months, the newlyweds rented a truck and loaded up a garage-full of this girl's 30 years of accumulated possessions and drove it to their home in Tennessee. They unloaded about 3 million boxes and about half of them were stowed in the couple's basement storage room. This girl wanted to take a break from all the shuffling about of things, so she waited a few weeks to get started on this massive project. And she waited too long. This girl got pregnant and immediately entered a period of illness and fatigue that prevented even the most basic tasks from getting accomplished. Then the holidays came and went...and suddenly it's been a few months and there those darn boxes sit, taunting her. And she's tired of being taunted. So she's going in. Her husband is going to attach a rope to her (burgeoning) belly so she is not lost in the madness. You might want to say prayers.

William's nursery

I know it probably seems a bit premature to be planning these things, especially considering that I have 5 months to go (I can barely tolerate that thought), but now that I know who my little William is (the love grows exponentially when the baby finally has an identity!!!), I can't wait to get started on collecting all the things he'll need in his babyhood!

We couldn't resist. We registered at Target the other night. We searched the Internet for a couple hours on Monday, figuring out what our mutual taste would be for our son's room decor (we are both opinionated people, so it took us a couple hours!). We finally decided on this jungle animals theme. Note: I'm not the most theme-y girl in the world decor-wise, but I loved the smiling faces on these animals and could just imagine making a little lion roar playfully at Will and getting him to giggle...needless to say, after that image, I was sold! We're still debating whether to paint the walls a sunny yellow or a leafy jungle green color...although I think we're leaning toward sunny yellow. Marty loves the khaki and chocolate brown colors especially, while I love the fun oranges and yellows and the accents of blue and green. It's masculine without being in-your-face BLUE!

So anyway, we registered for this set called Tiddliwinks Jungle Friends. It's so cute and affordable, and as I'm told by knowing friends, it better be affordable because it would make me ill to subject expensive bedding to the repeated washings I'm told I'll have to do, especially with a wee boy! It was incredible fun to watch my husband coo (forgive me, honey) over baby socks. He even stole the scanner for a bit to zap some items of his choosing, including a pair of high-top infant tennishoes with lions embroidered on them.

I do need help on something, though...aforementioned knowing friends have told me not to use the quilt that comes with the set for actually bedding down the baby in his crib, but to use it for tummy time or decoration purposes. I'm thinking I'd like to do the latter, but I need to find one of those quilt hangers, and more specifically, one that's designed for the size of a baby quilt. Does anyone know where I can find such a thing? I would also welcome any other suggestions on how to accent William's nursery without buying every little item in the crib set (for example, I don't need the hamper in the set, nor the wall hangings necessarily). I'd like to do something decorative with William's name or monogram, and maybe also something literary (Jungle Book?). Like I said, I'd love suggestions!

Announcing...

Hello everyone!

My mommy and daddy are ecstatic to announce that I'm a BOY!!!

Yes, I sure fooled my mommy. She was so shocked to hear the news and see the visual proof that she told Daddy, "the universe just shifted!" She was really expecting me to be a girl, but Mommy has already told me a dozen times today that she's so proud of her little man and couldn't be happier about my coming arrival into the world. (By the way, Mommy has a picture of the proof but can't seem to bring herself to post pictures of my privates on the Internet, so y'all will just have to believe us!)

Just wanted to let you all know what keeps me busy during the day. Yes, I've begun kicking my mommy in earnest now and sometimes she even feels me do my barrel-rolls!

I also like to suck my thumb...

...and ponder on the meaning of life...

...when I'm not practicing my football kick!

Oh, silly me! I forgot to introduce myself! My name is...

~William Champion Conway~

Mommy and Daddy are going to call me "Will" when Daddy is not calling me "Champ." William is one of mommy's favorite names of all time -- very British, she says -- and Champion is my great-grandma's maiden name. My daddy dearly loved his Grandma Lucic and wants to honor her in this way.

One other thing; my daddy took this picture of my mommy this morning before they went to the doctor's office and I rocked their world! See how big I'm getting in there?

As soon as Mommy is off work today, she and Daddy are going to go shopping for me. They've waited this long and Mommy says she just can't wait anymore!

p.s. My Mommy profusely apologizes for referring to me as "she" before now. She'll amend this.

Happiness

Happiness is, in no particular order,

1. Getting to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday. We've seen the heart beating on ultrasound 3 times now, but no audio. During our visit yesterday, the doctor whipped out the regular ole doppler and found Baby's heart beating right away. She tried to stimulate the baby to move a bit but my child refused to budge. I couldn't help but laugh -- this little person is so much like his mother. When we're napping, please leave us alone! But what a reassuring, sweet musical sound: whoosh-whoosh-whoosh. It almost sounded to me like the steady beat of a dog panting! I'm just weird, probably. Biggest news of all: we're tentatively scheduled for the big gender-discovery ultrasound on President's Day, February 16th! We specifically asked for that day because Marty, as a government employee, gets that day off (don't get me started on all the government holidays, so jealous!). Therefore, I'm going to post a poll -- please vote on whether you think it's a boy or a girl!
2. The fact that this little girl went home from the hospital yesterday. Just about 3 weeks ago, I asked everyone to join me in praying for Harper and her family. At that point it was unclear if she would survive. Today this darling little girl is at home, sleeping in her own crib, healed from pneumonia. God is good. He is so very good. I feel privileged to have joined with hundreds of others praying for this very outcome!
3. Getting to sleep here last night:Yes, our mattresses finally came (after a snow delay, curses on you snow!) and we finally moved into the bedroom where our bed frame has been sitting, quite lonely, for several months. Excuse the wrinkly appearance of the duvet, I should have steamed it but oh that's right, I'm fresh out of steamers (and there's no way I'm ironing a king-size duvet). I used to work in an upscale department store and I got addicted to those upright, hand-held steamers. It's now going on the "to buy" list!
4. Reading this book:Yes, you heard me right. Judge me all you want, this book was ridiculously good. I enjoyed nearly everything about it. I jumped on the Twilight wagon quite late (nope, didn't see the movie), but I'm now a huge fan. I would never have thought I'd be interested in a vampire love story, but that's how engaging this book really is. I'm jealous of the author, her writing is so seemingly effortless! Marty and I have a Barnes and Noble date tonight to pick up the sequel, and maybe the next one, too! Did I mention I just bought this book on Monday? Couldn't put it down!
5. The fact that it's Friday. I love weekends with my hubby. We're going to see our dear friends Mike and Jen and their babies on Saturday night, and I love hanging out with them. Other than that, it will be a quiet weekend of bliss inside our marital bubble! Have a fabulous weekend everyone (and stop by your local bookstore to pick up Twilight!).

the (very late) January list

What I'm reading: The Life of Elizabeth I, by Alison Weir.
It's honestly a page-turner, which I know can be hard to believe, because it's a history book! But my-oh-my, what fascinating people in such fascinating times. Elizabeth I is truly my hero. And okay, I'll admit this much, if my baby is a girlie, that's going to be her middle name. Already daddy-approved. :)

What we're spending on: More maternity clothes. And I'll be darned if I don't do it as cheaply as possible, thanks Old Navy! I really need more things than I'd counted on, even things like pajama pants/loungewear. My pre-pregnancy pajama pants still fit, per se, but they like to roll and slide down my belly and I end up walking around with an exposed abdomen. In the middle of January. Not exactly pleasant! So I need items with a little more structure and support; things that will stay put. I really can't wait for warm weather when a t-shirt and some maternity capris and some comfy sandals will suffice every day!

What we're saving for: Not mattresses anymore, Woo-Hoo!!! We're not saving for anything in particular right now, yet lots of things in theory. That made little sense. Basically, we're going to be replacing some furniture (and upgrading to a plasma TV, for my husband's sake) when we make the big move to Indiana. I have a list of things we'll need to buy, but there's really no particular order on it right now. We just want the savings account to grow big and fat and be rarin' to go when we become Hoosiers again!

What I need to do: Still working on going through items in the evil storage room. In my defense, I've made a dent. Not a big dent, but a dent nonetheless. Sometimes, in impatient and impractical moments, I feel tempted to light a match... But no, even clothes that I don't want or don't fit anymore can go to Goodwill or be given to friends or even sold, if I feel up to that chore. If you're a petite medium and wouldn't mind a box of clothes to at least browse through before you pitch 'em, let me know!

What I'm thinking about: Is it a boy or a girl? I'm just dying to know. And I promise I'll share as soon we know! I've pretty much fallen in love with some baby bedding from Pottery Barn (I would get it in both colors and do a French country/shabby chic-type decor), so if it's a boy, I'll have to probably fall out of love with it (because you know it'll be discontinued by the time I actually have a girl) and start thinking in shades of blue.

What I'm working on: Meal-planning and appropriate grocery-shopping. I had a hit week last week but this week's been a bit of a miss. I've decided I actually need some new cookbooks (simple recipes, easy dinners, Crock-pot meals, that kind of thing), so if anyone has a great suggestion, I would welcome any recommendation!

What I'm happy about: My new toy. I'd mentioned in the post about my birthday that I knew my hubby was going to get me something really cool, and oh, he didn't fail me! He bought me an iPod Touch!I don't think I've stopped playing with her since she came into my life. With Internet access, iTunes, and all kinds of applications like Sudoku and crosswords, a person could never get bored with her. Thanks again, my Marty, for being the world's best gift-giver (and I know this is rare in husbands, so I'm very grateful!).

One other note before I go...Please notice the updated blogroll in the right column. My "blog attention" can be somewhat fickle, but these blogs have stood the test of time with me and I keep going back to them. And there's a new one on there...check out my new friend, the Shabby Princess!

as promised...

15 weeks, 1 day pregnant

Sorry the lighting is not great, but I remembered to do this at night-time and I hate garish overhead lighting. Anyhoo. The next will be taken by the light of day! I've decided that I don't want to know if I'm showing/popped out too much for 15 weeks...I've been lectured by quite a few people who've told me this is my pregnancy and unique to me and to quit comparing already! Good advice that I intend to follow. And now that I actually see myself in this way, I've realized I seem to be carrying high. Oooh, what does this mean? For some reason, I love old wives' tales. If you are an old wife and you tell tales, do please share.

pregnant ramblings

So tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks pregnant. I maintain this is one of the hardest stages in pregnancy...I'm out of the evil first trimester when fatigue and nausea ruled my life (I really don't remember very many specific days, it's all kind of a blur!) and I'm coasting through the second trimester, which is a good thing, but it has its drawbacks. I've commented to several people that, at least during the first trimester, you have daily, if not moment-to-moment, reminders that you're pregnant and definitely growing a baby. Once you've hit second trimester and all the nastiness fades away, though, you begin eagerly awaiting all the kicking that will be your comfort and joy (and reassurance) until the end. However, even though I've seen the baby kicking on ultrasound (more on that in a minute), I have yet to feel it. Okay, I've had a few sensations but I can't convince my mind that it was the baby! Anyway, it feels like the limbo stage of pregnancy, and well, I don't like it. I like reassurance. I'm a sucker for reassurance, especially when it comes to this much-desired child.

Speaking of which, I did indeed get an ultrasound on my birthday. It was not scheduled, but let's just say my doctor was amenable to, uh, circumventing the strict schedule, especially after he heard it was my birthday! Oh yes, I used all my ammunition to get that ultrasound, and thank goodness I have the world's most pleasant and jovial OB/GYN, who thinks I'm just a hoot! Another point of gratitude was that this ultrasound was performed on top of my belly and not the other kind -- I was really OVER those. Anyway, so I got smeared with the goo and the doc hit the lights and my baby became star of the show once more. And once again, we were just awestruck at this beautiful child of ours...we saw her (for the sake of convenience, and also beause I have a feeling, I'm using "her") perfectly shaped head, spinal cord, even toes. I was blown away by those baby toes. I had an overpowering urge to somehow get to those toes and start smooching on them! We watched her wiggle around and I saw definite signs of "leave me alone, I was napping" from her! She had her little legs crossed at the ankles in a reclining position (a family trait!) and after continued pressure from the ultrasound wand, she kicked off and squirmed away, trying to nestle down and go night-night again. Oh, soooooooo like her mother. Anyway, I so deeply wish I could share a picture, but the ones that came out, well, they didn't really come out. My doctor said, "some women just don't transmit ultrasound waves very well, and seems you're one of them." Great. He did tell me that our 20-week ultrasound when we find out the sex (and OF COURSE we are) will be performed at another location, and that the machines are a lot more high-tech and will get me a great picture, regardless. Whew. At least we saw her clear as day on the monitor! I'm trying to make the memories last until the end of February, but like I said, without any kicking and squirming that I can feel, it's a bit tough.

As far as other pregnancy things go...we've picked out names. And they're set in stone. I'm still debating sharing them here, even though we don't mind sharing and our families have been told. I guess I'm just wary of the oddball bit of criticism, because I honestly love these names and love their significance to us. I've also started looking at baby bedding and nursery items, and saw on another girl's blog a suggestion to visit Serena and Lily. Um, gorgeous bedding, but totally un-gorgeous prices. I have definite ideas for a girl's nursery, which will be in raspberry and a fresh green color (it's impossible to explain the green; it's not apple, lime, or sage...it's just meadow-fresh-looking). And here's the place where readers tell me where to go shopping for inexpensive bedding in just those colors! Seriously, I'd love some suggestions. (By the way, I really appreciated the suggestions on pregnancy books; I'm glad to hear that everyone and her sister HATES "What to Expect..." because I really didn't like it myself).

Well, that's it for now! More on non-pregnancy-related life later...

What's been keeping me from blogging?

Just a little something...

The picture is upside-down because my bebe is upside-down inside me right now (click on it for a better view; you can see eyes, arms, and even the umbilical cord near the bottom)! Yes, we are greatly anticipating the arrival of our little one in early July. I'm 9 weeks right now, and even though all the books tell you to wait for the 12th week to make your announcement, it seems bizarre to not publicly acknowledge your child, no matter how tiny it is! I have been GREATLY blessed in my OB/GYN here in Johnson City, especially after having had such a great doctor in Indiana (I didn't think I'd be so fortunate twice!). Dr. Hinton is kind, funny, clever, jovial, warm, and sweet. Seriously, he's all of the above. He listens to my concerns and actually acts on them when necessary. We've had two ultrasounds already as a result; the first one at 6 weeks showed such a wee little thing but it already had that lovely beating heart! Our second ultrasound was just a few days ago, and it showed a much bigger baby than before (I can't believe how fast they grow in these early weeks) with a strong heartbeat (176 bpm). The baby even moved a little during the ultrasound, which surprised us all, even the good doctor! Apparently they don't move a whole lot during this time but it was such a blessing to this mama's heart to see her little one dance around in that warm pool of water!

Pregnancy so far has been something of a challenge for me. Nothing seems to prepare you for the physical and emotional onslaught. I've been a textbook pregnant woman, feeling very sick to my stomach at random times throughout the day, gagging at food smells (I plug my nose when opening the refrigerator; there's nothing smelly in there but I can SMELL things!), craving good things (cherry tomatoes) and bad things (Chips Ahoy!), weeping over anything and everything. Not to mention the fatigue! I have felt so useless at times, watching my hubby do all the meal preparation and clean-up. I just sit in a heap on the couch, moaning with sickness! But what a sweet husband I have. He keeps telling me, Honey, you're doing the REAL hard work, I don't mind doing the little stuff!

In fact, it always feels naughty to complain, even the littlest bit. You see, this baby is a miracle in many ways. We feel blessed beyond measure. The first time we saw the baby's heart beating on the ultrasound, Marty and I locked eyes and the wonder, awe, and joy we felt was and is indescribable. What a gift to have finally found my true place in life, with an amazing man, who I adore, and our child on the way, who I love so dearly. Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gifts!