Until we get our new camera...

...this will have to do. I've been asked for updated pictures of William, but all I have uploaded at the moment are these taken by his Aunt Modey!

Sweet Tater

It's nearly impossible for me to believe, but our Sweet Tater had his first "real" food tonight -- sweet potatoes! During a talk with Dr. Terry last week, we discussed Will's 90th percentile ranking in height and weight, and she said because we have such a big little man on our hands, we should go ahead with rice cereal on its own (not just in a sludgy bottle), then introduce a first food (preferably a veggie) by the time he reached his 5th month. Well on Saturday he took rice cereal so well -- swallowed nearly every bite! -- we decided to try the sweet potatoes tonight (a few days ahead of schedule). He grimaced at first, but literally after his second bite he became a baby bird and opened that little gullet for all the taties his Mama could scoop into him!

Yes, he's wearing his Saints jersey underneath the "Boys Are Just Better" bib.

Hasta la vista, sweet taties.

Hooray! Saints are winning and Will-Baby is full!

Home

I've been thinking on the topic of "home" for the past few weeks in a way I've never done so before. From the moment we found out that Will was on his way, Marty and I have been talking about where to raise him and our other (future) children. We've talked about family, church, schools, communities, geography, politics, safety, you name it -- anything and everything that influences how you function inside and outside the four walls and a roof you call your home. The most obvious place to call home was, of course, Indianapolis; my family lives there and the only other option would be Mississippi, and Marty has stated vehemently more than once that he'll "never live in the swamp again." So, even before my first trimester was over, we fixed our trajectory on Indiana and never wavered. In fact, I felt true grief that circumstances wouldn't allow for me to deliver Will in Indiana, surrounded by family and friends and just...familiarity.

Well, to make a very long story very short, things have changed. Without going into great detail, my parents came down for an unexpected visit a few weeks ago, sat down in our living room, and gently suggested we perhaps not move back to Indiana. The reason why? Because in a couple of years, they won't be there. Neither will my sister Sarah and Garrett and their brood. Where will they be? It feels funny to say, but they're moving even further south than where we currently reside -- North Carolina! There are many, many, many reasons for this move, but the primary one is my nephew Ethan. North Carolina offers him the best chance for a mainstream education, the best therapy for his autism (they utilize something called the "TEACH method"), the best opportunity to learn and grow and achieve his full potential. He's simply not getting any kind of decent opportunity from Indiana's special education track, and the curriculum only promises to get worse, and downright awful by the time he's in 3rd grade. And because my parents are nearing retirement, and because they refuse to live without their grandchildren (by their own admission, so cute), they're seeking a big change and thus, the big move south.

Without missing a beat, without so much as a moment's worth of hesitation, we happily decided to make North Carolina our new destination as well. In fact, our compass spun so quickly I got a bit of whiplash -- and I suddenly had the clearest perspective I've ever had when it comes to "home." All this time, I've been keening like crazy to call myself a Hoosier again, and suddenly I realized, I don't even care about that so much, I just care about living near my family. But even that is secondary. In all of the conversations that ensued, I further realized that I just want to be with my Marty and our Will. I want us to have a family adventure all our own. In all the planning and plotting to provide Will the best growing-up situation and as a result, setting our sights on Indy, I never sat and actually had this thought -- and shame on me!!! Of course, I'd be lying if I said I don't want to be near my family -- I absolutely do and Marty shares that desire. So, in a couple of years, we'll pick up stakes and mosey on down the trail. But in the meantime...oh, in the meantime, we've decided to choose the best place for us to be right now.

And not only have we found a great place, I've also stumbled upon the greatest sense of contentment I've ever had. A scant 2 and half years ago, I was perhaps the most miserable person I knew. I was in a sham of a marriage, unable to have children, lonely at home and sad at work and depressed everywhere in between. I fixed a fake smile on my face for the world to see but cried constantly on the inside, knowing in my deepest soul that my life was nothing that I wanted it to be. And now here I am, those 2 and a half years later, married to the love of my life (just know that I type that with tears in my eyes, because this man is genuinely a prince among men), listening to my baby son coo in the other room, and looking at the pictures I'm about to show you. I'm just so happy, because I've found my true home, my family with Marty, and together we've found a physical home, those four walls and a roof that will shelter and protect and embrace us for this next chapter in our lives.

And so, without further ado, meet my loft in downtown Kingsport:

7-foot French doors that are our front windows (follow me, I'm going to slowly spin to the right around the great room)

The windows now closed so you can see the restored hardwood floors and the exposed brick wall


The area that will be our dining room


Kids, meet the kitchen of my dreams: stainless steel appliances, extra-tall espresso-stained cherry cabinets, custom concrete countertops, and the coolest pendant lights you'll ever hope to see hanging above your sink


Another view of the kitchen, and if you look up, you can see the exposed wooden beams/rafters


The view down the hallway (doors lead to master suite, Will's nursery, guest bathroom, and laundry closet)


The area that will be my office (excuse the presence of the leasing agent, who may be my newest friend; her name's Samantha, she's lived in Europe, she had a private Christian school upbringing [I kid you not], and she's already invited us into her loft [she lives here too] and she might just be the coolest chick ever)

Finally, the living area, with those majestic windows open again (we have 2 sets of 2).

So why did y'all go for a loft?, you might ask. Well, we tried to get a house. Tried several times to find a decent home to rent, but OH. MY. STARS. I've realized something. There are a lot of people in the world who don't live clean, sanitary lives. To put it simply, there are just a lot of GROSS people out there, and I'll be darned if I'm going to rent a house from someone whose basement smells like dirty animals. In our quest to find some new digs, I haunted Craig's List and we went on several jaunts to see places, and we (read, I) kept getting more and more frustrated. It wasn't just once that we drove away from a place with me in shock and/or tears! Then one night, we saw the ad for these brand-new lofts, converted from an old furniture warehouse. By the time we called, there was only ONE left. Marty went and toured that same day, and we signed our lease on Friday, the same day I got to see it for the first time. With absolutely no sense of propriety, I got to the great room and started jumping up and down in sheer joy. My greatest feeling isn't joy, however -- it's gratitude. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you, Lord, for bringing me home.

And thank goodness my blog is private, because I can share with y'all our new address (we move in December 1st):

The Conways

217 Broad Street, Loft 206

Kingsport, TN 37660

Now, one last and completely unrelated photo. This is Will with his beloved Dr. Terry, his pediatrician. I'm not kidding when I say that they love each other. I think the photo says it all.

Will at 3 months

(Yes I realize I'm a month behind. I am determined to catch up; I can't keep everything straight in my head!)

This month marked many “graduations” for you, Puppy. (Oh yeah, Mommy calls you “Puppy” all the time now.) First of all, at the beginning of the month, you were still sleeping in your cradle in Mommy and Daddy’s room – if you can call it “sleeping.” Because you weren’t, really. And neither were Mommy and Daddy! One day, after getting up with you every 2 hours in the night, your sleep-deprived mother got pretty desperate and decided to institute some changes. Namely, I put fresh linens on your crib (in your room) and opened the baby monitor box and figured out how to use it. I also decided it was time to put some rice cereal in your night-time bottle. That night, you had a “ricey bottle” and a warm bath, then we put you in a comfy sleeper and read you some stories, then we laid you in your crib and tucked you in. Mommy prayed over you like I always do and turned on your “light show” (you have a projector mobile), then with you sucking contentedly on your paci, we snuck out and listened for any complaints on the monitor. There were NO complaints and you slept about 4 hours at a stretch that night – not as much as we wanted but a vast improvement! You seem to love sleeping in your nursery and you sleep better when we follow the whole routine, including the bath. We don’t do a bath every night, however, because I’m pretty sure that’s not good on tender baby skin!

You also developed something of a routine this month, too. Your bedtime is between 10 and 11 p.m. (don’t get used to that, kiddo), and you usually wake up between 2 and 3 a.m. Mommy also learned this month to only turn on a soft light in your room and nurse you in the glider, keeping you as much asleep as possible, and avoiding changing your diaper unless necessary. You adapted to this very well, and there have been several night-time feedings in which you didn’t even crack an eyelid. This has helped me so much, because I can put you back down in your crib, you squirm for a few seconds until you find a comfortable position, and then you’re back out like a light! Now, there have been some nights when you wake up when I lay you in your crib, and you seem offended that I’m not rocking you anymore. Well, it was hard, but I’ve learned to let you soothe yourself to sleep. You never get all that upset, and it just kills your Mommy as she listens to you on the monitor, but in a few minutes you’re back to sleep and Mommy is back to sleep that much faster, too. Then you’re usually back awake between 6 and 7 a.m., and Daddy pulls morning baby duty and feeds you a bottle, changes your diaper, then hands you off to me around 7:30 when he has to leave for work. I usually put you in your swing and we both doze until I have to get up to begin my workday. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, you’ll sleep from around 8 a.m. to 10:30 or 11 a.m.! That always signals a good day for me, because I can get some rest and then get my day started while you sleep in the sunshine streaming through the living room windows. It’s very peaceful!

We also had to take you in for an unscheduled doctor’s visit this month (you weren’t supposed to go back until 4 months). You had a very uncomfortable-looking diaper rash that didn’t clear up with Desitin, and you woke up one Sunday morning with goop coming out of your right eye. The goop would appear every time you blinked, and boy, did it ever make you mad! That next day we took you in to see the on-call doctor, who gave us a medicated cream for your rash and told us you had an infected, clogged tear duct. She said it was very normal and told us to massage your tear ducts during/after bath time, but we’ve never had to do this because your infection cleared up almost immediately and you haven’t had any problems since. While we were at the doctor’s, they weighed you in at 14 pounds, 8 ounces (they didn’t measure your length, for some reason?). Everyone at the doctor’s office always remarks on how “healthy” you are – you have some fantastic chubby cheeks and thighs, Puppy!

Mommy finally had to pack away all your newborn and 0-3 months clothes. I couldn’t help but be a tiny bit sad about it; you were such a sweet little infant and your clothes were so precious. But that’s okay, Mommy is so glad you’re growing like you should! You also graduated into size 2-3 diapers.

This month you also seemed to become much more aware of your surroundings, and you take great interest in people who talk to you (close to your face). You really began to recognize your Mommy and Daddy and you practically squeal with happiness when you see that Daddy is home from work. You talk ALL the time, and Mommy and Daddy have a running joke about how we should have expected this, seeing as we’re both English majors (communication is our THING!) and we fell in love over the phone (talking, talking, talking!). You also love to look around and your face shows that you’re super-alert and just taking it all in. When people meet you for the first time, they either remark on your hair (it’s so long and naturally spiky on top, although lightening up a bit from coal black to a soft brown) or your eyes (Daddy calls them “gun-metal blue”), or both. You’re just a beautiful baby and although Daddy and I would think this anyway, it’s always nice to hear compliments from other people. We’re just so proud of you, Will-Baby!!!

Finally, Daddy wanted me to also mention how much you LOVE watching football! Actually, it's quite true -- I think you see the images of the men in their brightly colored uniforms running around and it really piques your interest. Either that, or you're just a football prodigy and you're already taking in the game -- now wouldn't THAT make your Daddy happy??? You always get decked out in team gear with Daddy during a Saints game. They're undefeated so far and Daddy insists that you're the good-luck charm enabling this to happen!

Our little punkin'

On Halloween evening, Marty and I took our little punkin' and his Aunt Katie out to eat and then to go "trick-or-treating" at Barnes and Noble (our little version of it anyway, since Will can't eat candy, obviously). Mommy, Daddy, and Aunt Katie took turns picking out books and putting them into Will's bucket, and then the adults took turns pushing Will around in his stroller while we all browsed to our hearts' content (a family of nerds are we). Here's some pix of the cutest punkin' ever!

Will at 2 months

My William, you are growing so fast it is making your Mommy's head spin. It seems like it was just a few days ago that we met:

I promise, those are happy tears! (I'm not one of those girls who are pretty when they cry!)

Could I have another tube or wire in my hand, please? I don't think I had enough there.

Then we took you home and started our family adventure. I love this picture, even though it's blurry. Look at that pink, precious baby!

Now at 2 months, my William, you:

• are 13 pounds, 5 ounces, and 23 1/4 inches long. That's between 75-90th percentile in weight (big boy!) and 50th percentile in height. You are a very healthy baby!
• are immunized against diptheria, tetanus & pertussis (DTAP), polio, and Hib (an influenza). You received Pentacel at your 8 weeks appointment, which is a combination vaccine -- only 1 shot! The doctors wanted to give you more immunizations, but your parents prefer to spread them out a bit, so we're going back in 2 weeks for the rest of your 2 months' vaccinations. The doctors weren't happy with Mommy and Daddy, but oh well. You're OUR child and we felt strongly against loading you up with too much vaccine, too early in your life. Anyway, you lived up to your name of Champion in taking that shot -- you made a complaint sound but you didn't even cry! Mommy was all prepared to nurse you for comfort but you didn't even need it. You felt better as soon as the nurse handed you back to Daddy, then you began looking around the room again with your usual curiosity! Daddy and I giggled in awe of our tough little dude.
• have quite the collection of nicknames. Mommy likes to call you Will-Baby, Doodle, Bubba, Bubby, and Little Dude. Daddy calls you Babies and Champ/Champy. We both call you Puppy and Punkin. Most of the time in conversation with other adults, though, we'll call you William or Will.
• are wearing some 3-6 months clothes, especially t-shirt onesies and sleepers. You are also wearing size 2 Pampers, although your parents are going to try to squeeze you into the remaining size 1's we have about the house, because we're frugal that way. Bad Mommy and Daddy.
• have the most startling blue-gray eyes:
• have a best friend. His name is "Paci." When we first brought you home, you were all about the Soothies, but once introduced to this particular pacifier, you won't take anything else now. In fact, you spit out every other type of pacifier as though they offend you! Mommy can't find a duplicate of Paci anywhere, so if Paci should be lost to us, Mommy and Daddy will be, quite simply, up a creek!!!
• have a pro for a Daddy. This is Mommy's new favorite picture (and yes, that's Paci in Daddy's mouth, being gripped by Paci's handle, of course):
• are a seasoned traveler. We took you to Lake Michigan at St. Joseph, where Nana and Pa-Pa always took Mommy and her sisters when they were growing up. This was a very special occasion for your Mommy, who used to walk along this beach and dream of one day having a little baby!
• have attended your first birthday party, your cousin Elijah's 3rd birthday (dinosaur-themed). You are fascinated by your cousins and fought sleep in order to keep watching them. You weren't too fond of the party hat that Mommy forced on you, though:
• have watched your first regular season NFL game with Daddy. This was a big deal for Daddy, who put you in your Saints jersey for the first time! (Don't tell Daddy, but I think you're secretly a bigger Colts fan.)
• have had your first non-milk food item -- pear juice! You've been going a long time in-between poopies (you'll hate me one day for telling other people this), so Dr. Terry recommended we give you some pear juice to encourage things along. You had 3 ounces of juice -- which you really liked -- and just a couple hours later, SUCCESS!
• are getting almost 5 hours of sleep at your longest stretch during the nights. I can't even tell you how pleased this makes Mommy!!! We're getting there, and pretty soon, you'll get 6-7 hours at a time and your parents will remember what it's like to get a full night's sleep.
• are "talking" all the time. You love to coo and gurgle at us, and when I get you out of your cradle in the mornings, you now break into a grin so wide you have to move your head to get out all that happiness. It absolutely melts your Mommy's heart that you're so happy to see me.

I love you, my Will-Baby!

Miscellaneous pictures

"Look, Nana, we match."

Sleepy puppy. (One of Will's nicknames.)

Our family. (Please ignore the stringy hair and bags under my eyes.)


Just baptized! Pastor Harmon, who joined me and Marty in marriage, performed the baptismal ceremony and it was so very sweet.


This is his just-opened-eyes look.


Tired but happy, happy, happy.


I love the wedding ring and baby toes -- they represent the greatest blessings in my life.

Our hero, Dr. Pickler. Seriously, I love her -- she was so awesome when I needed her to be.

The best picture of all -- he gave my mom his first "official" smile.

Will at 1 month

At 1 month, my William, you are:

• 11.4 pounds and 22 inches long. At your 4 weeks appointment (which actually happened in your 5th week), Dr. Terry said that you are gaining weight "beautifully." I should say so -- you feel heavier to me every day! Dr. Terry (who is a lovely lady about Mama's age and who is expecting her own first baby) thinks you are the cutest thing ever. I asked her if she says that to all the moms and dads and she said "No -- I see lots of babies and I'm telling you, he is really cute!" In the few days leading up to the appointment, you'd been spitting up more than usual and I mentioned this to the doctor. She thinks that you have a mild case of reflux, but she wanted us to have your tummy checked out for something a little more serious, called "pyloric stenosis," which is a stomach muscle that is tightly constricted in some infants, and has to be fixed through a little surgery. Needless to say, Mama tried not to freak out when she heard this! You had an ultrasound on your tummy a couple days ago that revealed you are perfect in every way. You weren't thrilled to have your lunch delayed, nor did you like having the goo on your belly, but you were as patient as you could be, and you took the Pedialyte bottle(s) like the Champ you are! So now Mama and Daddy are giving you Zantac for the reflux, and even though we haven't seen much of an improvement yet, we are hoping this gives you some relief from the obvious tummy discomfort you experience after meals.
• in size 1 diapers. And they are Pampers, NOT Huggies! After using the "blankie-soft" Pampers, Huggies feel like rough paper to your Mama and Daddy and we can't bear putting them on your delicate skin.
• in size 0-3 months, and sometimes size 3 months clothes. Your Mama doesn't understand the 0-3 months thing, because there are a lot of brands that skip right from Newborn size to 3 months size, and there seems to be a big gap room-wise in-between. Mama is packing up your Newborn items and she's sad about it, because you're growing so fast!!!
• taking about 4 ounces of milk at a feeding. Sometimes you'll go for 5 and this makes your parents happy, because you sleep longer! But sometimes you only want 3 ounces or so, especially during the night.
• still sleeping only 1.5-2.5 hours at a time during the night. When we first brought you home from the hospital, you slept at least 3 hours at a time, so we know you are a good sleeper when your tummy isn't bothering you. Zantac, please work soon!!!
• starting to smile more and more. Your first "official" smile (ie, when we knew for sure you were smiling on purpose) was for your Nana, after she gave you a bath. You LOVE baths, which makes your Mama smile, because I love baths myself! You smile most often when you are content, which is when your belly is full and you're wearing a clean diaper and onesie and you're wrapped in a blanket and being rocked. Sometimes you sigh audibly and smile as you drift off to sleep, and it's so very precious.
• playing with your monkey mat, and you are very engaged for about 10-15 minutes at a time. You have a good strong grip and you like to hang on tightly to the rings once you get ahold of them. And you LOVE to look into mirrors and see the baby there; he makes you smile!
• more and more dear to your parents with each passing day. Mama went shopping the other night by herself, and only an hour into her trip, she realized she missed you terribly and couldn't wait to get home to hold you!

Who's watching the first NFL preseason game?

Will and his daddy, of course.

Birth Story, Part 2 (a reluctant telling)

Me and my little dream come true

It's hard to believe a month has passed since Will came into our lives. I can hardly fathom how fast infants grow, and in some ways I want time to slow down, but in other ways, I want more distance between me and the day that Will was born. I keep putting off writing the rest of his birth story and sharing it here because in all honesty, it was the scariest, most pain-filled day of my life. The only shining point was the moment that Will was born and I heard him cry...at that moment I was on an operating table, limp with exhaustion, simply worn out from labor that had gone nowhere. When I heard him cry, my own tears fell -- tears of such unbelievable relief, because I knew I had delivered him safely into the world and he was no longer in danger inside of me. Any woman who has experienced pre-eclampsia or even the threat of pre-eclampsia knows what I'm talking about -- there is nothing quite like knowing that your body is slowly becoming a toxic environment for the child you so desperately love and want. In the days leading up to his birth, I felt truly betrayed by my body. I couldn't understand why my blood pressure, which had been textbook-perfect up to 38 weeks, was suddenly climbing quite steadily toward toxemia. And the betrayal I felt eclipsed the day my labor was induced. I'm going to give the short version of what happened, because I just don't like re-living it.

I spent the day on massive amounts of medicine that were supposed to tell my body to deliver Will -- only my body didn't quite get the message. I had contractions -- very painful contractions, in fact -- but contractions that accomplished nothing. My body didn't dilate and Will didn't descend. After 14 hours of labor, I was only at 4 centimeters. After 14 hours, after going through 2 epidurals (the first failed and the second one wasn't administered for 2 hours after the failure of the first), periods of vomiting, and body-shaking, teeth-chattering pain, I was running a fever, Will's heartbeat was decelerating with each contraction, and suddenly I was wearing an oxygen mask -- after all that, I knew I was done. Dr. Pickler came into my room and I knew she had come to talk realities with me. I was ready to beg for a C-section but I soon realized that begging was unnecessary -- she was in full support of doing one and I barely listened to the benefit-risk-ratio speech that she gave. I said "Let's do it" and quite literally 5 minutes later I was watching Marty don scrubs and I was being prepped for surgery. Ten minutes later I was in a freezing-cold operating room, nodding my head to the anesthesiologist that I couldn't feel my legs or belly. Fifteen minutes later, right before she hung the curtain, I locked eyes with Dr. Pickler and she winked at me. Funny, but that wink communicated so much -- it said, "I've done this a zillion times and I'm going to take care of you." Then the curtain was hung, Marty sat down behind me, and I felt the first sensation of the C-section being performed. I felt pressure, then lots of pressure, then tugging and pulling, then I heard Dr. Pickler say, "Well hello, cutie-pie," and I heard my son take his first breath and let it out in a precious little cry. He was taken immediately to a warmer and I looked back at Marty and said, "I'm fine, please go to Will." Marty got up and then my nurse, Teresa, who had been such a help to me all night, ducked under the curtain and crouched down to squeeze my shoulder and she had watery eyes when she said simply, "Congratulations." A few minutes later, Marty came around the curtain and perched my little boy on my shoulder, and as I laid eyes on him for the first time, I was shocked at how beautiful his little face was. Of course I expected to love my baby no matter what his appearance at birth, but it's true that C-section babies are really more adorable because they don't get squished! More than that, I saw his stunning blue eyes blinking at me, and I kissed his unbelievably soft cheek, and I couldn't believe he was mine. I had tears streaming down my face and all I could think to say was, "I love you my little William." All too soon Marty had to give him to the nurses because my surgery was finishing. I was rolled to one side so my epidural could be removed, and I remember thinking, don't take that away so soon! Because of a previous "chemical reaction" to morphine I was not put on the morphine drip post-surgery, but rather given an IV injection of a different painkiller. The last thing I remember in the operating room was my teeth starting to chatter again...then I woke up back in my room, in the worst, most terrible pain I've ever experienced in my life. Understand that I've had my appendix taken out and I've had a softball-sized cyst removed from my right ovary -- abdominal surgery wasn't exactly new to me. But I'd never felt anything like this and I couldn't understand why I wasn't being given painkillers. I was in such a fog but I knew that the only person with me was Teresa, and I looked over and saw that she was injecting something more into my IV. Because my teeth were chattering so badly, I struggled to tell her, "I'm in terrible pain." She nodded her head and told me she was administering painkillers every 5 minutes, and she had just given me all she was legally allowed to. Then Marty came into the room and quickly saw that I was in a bad way. Teresa explained to him that I'd already been given all the medicine she could give me and she was going to have to leave for a minute to get permission to administer a different medicine. I don't remember much after that. Marty says I looked at him and said "Help me" and then passed out from the pain. He says I came to and then passed out once more before Teresa was back to give me something else. Whatever she gave me finally worked because I felt the pain level go down just a notch and the relief was tremendous. We still don't know why, but the initial painkiller I was administered following surgery just didn't work, and as Teresa said, I came down from the epidural and suddenly "felt everything." Anyway, I must have dozed for awhile because the next thing I remember is a nurse wheeling Will's bassinet into my room and my family being there, speaking quietly in the soft light. The nurse put William into my arms and I started rocking him gently and touching his face. I felt like we both had just survived a tremendous ordeal and I felt badly that he had experienced any stress from the whole thing. Then I remember smiling to myself and thinking that parental guilt starts right away!

And there you have it -- Will's birth story. I hope it doesn't scare anyone away from having kids because it goes without saying that getting William was worth all of it. You hear horror stories about births and I reluctantly find myself in possession of my own such horror story. But, like Marty has said to me since, anything worth having is often something we have to struggle to get, and getting Will here was a mighty struggle. So will I face this struggle again and have more kids? To answer that, I first want to point out that I shared a happy picture above to show that a month later, the struggle is beginning to fade from memory -- well, at least the sharper edges of it. And secondly, here's a final anecdote from the story...I remember at last getting the green light for the second epidural and sitting up in my bed to curve my back over and be administered some blessed relief -- I trembled through another contraction before I felt the bee-sting of the needle, and then I looked at Marty and said, "You know, after all this, I still want more kids." Marty smiled and said, "Honey, you're more of a man than I am." The doctor (a man) behind me joined in and said, "It's so true -- if it were up to men to have children there would be no people." It's one of the few things I like remembering about that day -- I know I was a real trooper. I felt the strength of my maternal instincts and the power of womanhood in the hardest thing we're called upon to do. I've heard that some women who have C-sections feel like their surgery was somehow a cop-out; trust me, I am NOT one of these women. Because trust me, enduring a C-section is no picnic! And for me, for this birth, it was the obvious, clear, correct choice. And now that I've had one, I'll always have the option to give birth this way again. That's a decision we'll make later on when we get there, but I like to imagine that the next time I give birth, it will be something that happens in a scheduled way, with lots of drugs (that work), and in a manner that I'm now accustomed to -- so that might answer that! I think I'm entitled to an easier birth next time, don't you think? :)

The must-haves

Oh the things I need!

(Will's now-famous "oh" face)

Yes, still avoiding the second half of the birth story...but in the meantime, I wanted to write down for the sake of expecting friends and my own future reference those things that have been indispensable to me in my first weeks of motherhood.

The Swaddle Designs Ultimate Swaddling blanket. (You can see Will's in the picture above.) I want 10 of these but right now have just the one, and use it night and day. It's the perfect size and weight and softness.

The Boppy. We received the Boppy "bare naked" pillow and a slipcover, and have since bought another Boppy (one for upstairs; one for downstairs) and 2 more slipcovers. I simply couldn't do without these pillows (and the slipcovers since breastmilk and spit-up are quite inevitable) -- they help my back and keep Will at the right height and angle for nursing. I know some women don't like them but I just LOVE them.Soothies. I was unsure about using pacifiers but then motherhood (a.k.a., reality, hits and you find yourself in need of something to comfort the baby for 5 minutes while you change a diaper or whatever) and Will just loves these. In fact, he prefers them to other pacifiers. Maybe it's because you can stick your finger in the nipple to hold it in place? I don't know the magic of Soothies, I just know they work.

My glider. My parents bought us this Dutailier glider and ottoman, and it has saved my sanity at 3 a.m. feedings because it's so comfortable and warm and cozy; it's the next best thing to actually being in bed. In other words, it takes the edge off having to be awake at 3 a.m.! Even if you don't want to spring for the Dutailier, I highly recommend having a glider of some kind. Beg, borrow, or steal one of these!

A Medela breast pump. My BF Kate told me a handful of times prior to Will's birth to just go ahead and get one, but I kept balking at the expense. Then I had a baby who wanted to be fed constantly, sometimes every hour throughout the night, and I just couldn't keep up anymore. My OB finally talked me into it, telling me I would recover much faster if I could get more sleep, and to let the Daddy take a couple of nighttime feedings with a bottle of pumped milk. Probably more than any other item, this breast pump has saved my life! And while I know you can get cheaper manual pumps, I am now getting 6 ounces of milk from my pump within about 10-15 minutes, and that's a precious amount of time to sacrifice with a newborn on-hand, so I can't imagine needing to use 30-60 minutes with a manual!

An excellent Daddy. Oh my goodness, where would I be without my Marty? Even though he must get up for work every day, he will still take one feeding at night for me so I can get more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

You will laugh, but...Ina Garten. Yes, it's true. She's an essential baby-care item, because she's an essential Mama-care item. I've always really liked her, but for some reason, her show gives me an inordinate amount of comfort, and I watch both airings on Food Network every day. I will even try to arrange naps and feedings around the shows so I can watch her and get a television version of a hug.