thoughts on parenting

As my belly gets bigger and the countdown tally of days gets smaller, my thoughts are turning more and more often to parenting. Probably a good thing, right? I find that I'm very interested in how others choose to parent their children, but I also find myself feeling more and more critical of the choices that some people make for their children (observations from blogs, TV, real-life, etc.). My critical thoughts are seeming to boil down to one issue: how much control parents exert on their children.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about discipline here -- Marty and I already have pretty solid ideas on discipline and those are basically a merging of how he and I were disciplined as children by our parents. For example, my parents chose different methods of discipline for each child; spankings didn't really work on me, but sticking me in a corner for 10 minutes of absolute silence was pure torture for me and the lesson came through loud and clear each time I was disciplined this way. But I digress. What I'm talking about it is more along the line of personal, private time and the ability to make personal, private choices. For example, my sisters and I were taken to the library about once a week or every other week, but my parents never screened or censored the books we checked out. They let us explore our own interests and didn't obsess over illustrations, word choice, content, etc. Of course, an attempt to check out a dirty novel would have been immediately halted, but that never happened and that's not really my point here. I guess it just irks me deep inside knowing that some parents feel the need to screen and censor every little image or sound or word or thought or feeling that occurs in their children! Not to mention the need that I see some parents displaying to control every moment of their children's lives. Some of my most cherished time as a teenager was spent in my own room in privacy, listening to music I chose, reading books I chose, talking on the phone with friends I chose, and dreaming dreams that were all my own. This is where a person finds her own identity! I see the job of parents to guide their children toward good and beautiful things. I remember being encouraged to go read a book under a tree in the summer. I remember books being read to us; my mom read us Little Women after dinner and my dad read me Cinderella before bed (he does a great Fairy Godmother voice, by the way..."bippity-boppity-boo!"). Plus all those library trips! So is it any wonder that I and my sisters grew up to be voracious readers? But here's the real beauty of it...my sister Sarah reads science fiction (Michael Crichton) and disaster books (Isaac's Storm and The Sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald). My sister Katie devours history books (biographies of presidents, the Civil War) and can't get enough of art and art history books. Of course, I read lots of fiction and anything I can get my hands on relating to British history. Sarah has a degree in Biology, Katie in Art History, and I have my degree in English. We are such different people with very different interests, but I have to thank my parents again and again for letting us choose who we wanted to be, not some cookie-cutter version of themselves or what they thought the model child should look like.

I should also make it clear that my parents were very discerning about what children they let me play with, but they were also very generous once they made those decisions. I went to countless slumber parties as a child and had many of my own. I was also not allowed to date until I was 17, but my parents didn't balk (although my dad might have had a small heart attack) when I brought home the boy with an earring and a definite smell of cigarette smoke on his clothes. (I made increasingly better and better choices from then on...)

I guess my point is this, I think parents should provide all kinds of direction and guidance, but at the end of the day, let their children be who they are. Let them make their own choices, even if those choices are mistakes. Supervise, but don't control! If my life is any indication, this method has the best results. My sisters and I are extremely close to our parents and we all thoroughly enjoy the adult friendships that we now share with them.

Of course, I wonder how I'll feel when I have my own child? I already think I might not let her out the door for kindergarten... :)

trying to focus

A coworker wrote me this morning and said, "Today just feels like a Monday. Blah." I wrote her back and said, "It's a Monday in January no less. Double-blah." The sky is gray and the landscape is bleak. I feel just as gray and bleak inside! I simply hate this time of year. My precious Dr. Records in Indiana diagnosed me many moons ago as having a moderate case of seasonal anxiety disorder and gave me some tips for dealing, but honestly, the only cure for SAD is straight-up sunshine. And there's precious little of it in east Tennessee right now. Sigh.

So I'm trying to focus on other things, at least for this moment in time. First of all, while my Marty and I were doing serious damage at Wal-Mart on Saturday, we passed the refrigerator of flowers and he just insisted on buying me a dozen pink-and-white tulips. God bless this man, for he knows me well. They have opened so prettily, and they are certainly cheering me today:

When I look at them, I ponder that only the marvelous Creator of the universe could have concocted that shade of green. It just breathes life into your eyes, doesn't it?

I'm also dreaming about the decorating I'm going to do in our apartment in Indiana when we get there...our master has a sink/vanity area in the bedroom, in addition to the sink/vanity in the bathroom. Guess who gets the former vanity??? And you better believe I'm going to girl-ify it and French-ify it within an inch of its life. Okay, that expression makes no sense in that context, but you get my drift. Anyway, we're doing our master bed and bath in shades of soft blue, ivory, sunshine yellow, and chocolate brown. In digging through items in the evil storage room, I found a couple of things that I'm ecstatic about using!

The little sign was given to me a few years ago by my BF, Kate. God bless her, for she knows me well. Little did she know how handy it would be a few years down the road! The jar I found a few months ago at TJ Maxx (my marked-down retail lover) for I think 7-8 dollars, and it had to be mine, of course, since it so merrily sports a fleur-de-lis.

In light of the mental nesting going on, I plucked this from my bookshelf for another flip-through:

Sadly, I can't remember for the life of me if Kate or Kristen gave this to me. Either one of you want to claim the gifting of it? In any case, I love this book. It's fun and full of good tips, as well as great quotes, and I can't resist posting some here:

"Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart." ~Coco Chanel

"Although I look like a drag queen's Christmas tree on the outside, I am at heart a simple country woman." ~Dolly Parton

"I'm obsessed with having the perfect linens. I sleep a lot. My bed's like a big hug." ~Reese Witherspoon

"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck." ~Emma Goldman

Aren't those great? Especially Reese's quote. Yes, we'd be BFFs if only she knew I existed. A woman who declares her love for sleep with such passion could only be a true kindred spirit of mine.

Before I go (and because I'm hungry and craving Spaghettio's -- I know, I know, YUCK -- but this baby hearts them so being the good mama I am, I shall appease her), I wanted to leave y'all with an amazing recipe that I tried last night and both of us loved, and it was ridiculously easy. So far, so good on keeping to meal planning and prep this week, yay for me!

Lasagna Toss

1 pound lean ground beef
2 green peppers, chopped
1 tsp. minced garlic*
1 jar spaghetti sauce**
1/4 cup Italian dressing
12 lasagna noodles, broken into quarters***
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese****
2 cups water

Saute green peppers in a bit of olive oil for 2-4 minutes; add ground beef and brown. Add garlic, spaghetti sauce, water, and dressing; bring to boil. Stir in noodles; reduce heat to medium-low and cover. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes. Sprinkle with cheese; let stand 5 minutes or until cheese is melted.

*I used only a sprinkle or two of garlic salt because I was out of garlic, but the flavor was great as-is, so I don't know how much garlic I'd use. I guess it depends on how much you like garlic flavor.
**Please give Bertolli marinara with Burgundy wine a try. It's the best jar sauce I've ever had.
***Some of my lasagna noodles cracked into smaller pieces than this, but that's okay. It was good to have some bite-sized pieces and some pieces that required a cut.
****We used half a block of mozzarella cheese, I think it was 8 ounces! My husband really loves cheese, and it was so yummy with the extra. I guess use the recipe as a minimum, but add liberally as you wish!

One final note, I would love to hear what my readers like to focus on when the weather is so blah and there seems to be nothing to look forward to...

the (very late) January list

What I'm reading: The Life of Elizabeth I, by Alison Weir.
It's honestly a page-turner, which I know can be hard to believe, because it's a history book! But my-oh-my, what fascinating people in such fascinating times. Elizabeth I is truly my hero. And okay, I'll admit this much, if my baby is a girlie, that's going to be her middle name. Already daddy-approved. :)

What we're spending on: More maternity clothes. And I'll be darned if I don't do it as cheaply as possible, thanks Old Navy! I really need more things than I'd counted on, even things like pajama pants/loungewear. My pre-pregnancy pajama pants still fit, per se, but they like to roll and slide down my belly and I end up walking around with an exposed abdomen. In the middle of January. Not exactly pleasant! So I need items with a little more structure and support; things that will stay put. I really can't wait for warm weather when a t-shirt and some maternity capris and some comfy sandals will suffice every day!

What we're saving for: Not mattresses anymore, Woo-Hoo!!! We're not saving for anything in particular right now, yet lots of things in theory. That made little sense. Basically, we're going to be replacing some furniture (and upgrading to a plasma TV, for my husband's sake) when we make the big move to Indiana. I have a list of things we'll need to buy, but there's really no particular order on it right now. We just want the savings account to grow big and fat and be rarin' to go when we become Hoosiers again!

What I need to do: Still working on going through items in the evil storage room. In my defense, I've made a dent. Not a big dent, but a dent nonetheless. Sometimes, in impatient and impractical moments, I feel tempted to light a match... But no, even clothes that I don't want or don't fit anymore can go to Goodwill or be given to friends or even sold, if I feel up to that chore. If you're a petite medium and wouldn't mind a box of clothes to at least browse through before you pitch 'em, let me know!

What I'm thinking about: Is it a boy or a girl? I'm just dying to know. And I promise I'll share as soon we know! I've pretty much fallen in love with some baby bedding from Pottery Barn (I would get it in both colors and do a French country/shabby chic-type decor), so if it's a boy, I'll have to probably fall out of love with it (because you know it'll be discontinued by the time I actually have a girl) and start thinking in shades of blue.

What I'm working on: Meal-planning and appropriate grocery-shopping. I had a hit week last week but this week's been a bit of a miss. I've decided I actually need some new cookbooks (simple recipes, easy dinners, Crock-pot meals, that kind of thing), so if anyone has a great suggestion, I would welcome any recommendation!

What I'm happy about: My new toy. I'd mentioned in the post about my birthday that I knew my hubby was going to get me something really cool, and oh, he didn't fail me! He bought me an iPod Touch!I don't think I've stopped playing with her since she came into my life. With Internet access, iTunes, and all kinds of applications like Sudoku and crosswords, a person could never get bored with her. Thanks again, my Marty, for being the world's best gift-giver (and I know this is rare in husbands, so I'm very grateful!).

One other note before I go...Please notice the updated blogroll in the right column. My "blog attention" can be somewhat fickle, but these blogs have stood the test of time with me and I keep going back to them. And there's a new one on there...check out my new friend, the Shabby Princess!

My blog friend Sarah gave me this award! (Thank you, Sarah!) Here are the rules:

*Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
* Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
* List at least 10 honest things about yourself. (Sarah only did 7, so I'm only going to do 7 because believe it or not, it's hard to write random things about yourself!)

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1. I love to cook things in the Crock-pot. Right now I'm making Slow Cooker Corn Chowder (link will take you to the recipe on AllRecipes.com). In fact, I love AllRecipes.com. My best friend Kate got me onto it and it's completely addictive. My favorite feature is the ingredient search, where you can plug in a few ingredients you have on hand and feel like making a meal out of, and the search engine does its magic and offers you a selection of recipes to try! Anyway, back to my love of the Crock-pot...1) I love that your meal-in-the-making also makes your house smell so warm and inviting, 2) I love that you can do the dishes after the prep work and the kitchen is already clean by the time dinner is served, and 3) I love that cooking in the Crock-pot is almost fool-proof -- it's pretty hard to mess up a slow-cooker recipe.

2. I hate to clean toilets. I realize most people share in this hatred, but mine is to the level of detestation. The worst part is the snakey-coiled-undercarriage of the darn thing; it collects dust (and other things) and you have to bend your body in ungodly ways to run a sponge over it. I don't mind bathtubs and sinks, but if you're going to do a really good job, you're going to get really soaked in the process. Which limits when you can do it. I would love to have a maid just for cleaning bathrooms. In fact, Marty has said that as long as I'm a working mom (which I plan to be until baby #2 comes along), that he's entirely supportive of me spending some money on this. Actually, in another life, I did pay for housecleaning a few times...and it was awesome. I'd feel a little guilty indulging just now, since I work from home, but once I have a baby and I'm being a full-time stay-at-home mom in addition to being a full-time stay-at-home medical editor, I'll let myself off the hook of being a full-time stay-at-home housekeeper!

3. I'm still having a hard time believing I'm pregnant and that everything is going well. When you've waited and dreamed and hoped for as long as I have, I'm sure this is a normal reaction. Without the nausea and fatigue, sometimes I even forget that I'm pregnant and then the realization comes back to me, and my inner response is always something like, "Really???" I couldn't even look at the monitor during the first ultrasound because I was so convinced something would be wrong, until my doctor and my husband started carrying on a conversation about the beating heart! I can't help but feel incredulous and astounded. And I sure hope it goes away sometime soon, for the reality keeps getting bigger every day and will be here before I know it!

4. I love fresh flowers. In that past life I mentioned earlier, I had space carved out in my budget for fresh flowers every week. Every Friday afternoon I'd stop at McNamara florist on my way home, bop into the refrigerator room, and pick up some purple tulips or two-toned roses or something fun and cheerful to enjoy for the whole weekend. Nothing makes a room feel more pleasant or complete than a vase full of blooming flowers. I need to re-adopt my habit of weekly fresh flowers! (Can you tell I have expensive taste?)

5. I have crazy hair. Some people like to call it "naturally wavy" but I call it "naturally confused." Honestly, it can't decide if it wants to go straight or curly, so it does this in-between nonsense that is wretched to look at (and even worse to wear). I never let my hair air-dry and I never leave the house until it's been curled or straightened -- it needs to be encouraged along one line or the other!

6. I am really coming to appreciate delayed gratification. If you've followed my blog for the last few months, you know that Marty and I have been saving for some king-size mattresses for quite a while. Well, it took (seemingly) forever, but we saved long enough and hard enough that we actually had a surplus when we went furniture-shopping, enough to buy the mattresses and the two nightstands in our bedroom set! When the sales guy asked us how we'd like to pay, it was enormously satisfying to say "Cash." It would have been so easy to swipe a card, but it's going to be much easier on us in the long-run when we continue to make our way in the world credit card-free. (Of course, we have credit cards and always will, but they are allocated for emergencies and such things, not for day-to-day purchasing or financing large items!) It's so tough sometimes to stick to a rule, but discipline is really a beautiful thing.

7. Very random items: I hate regular M&Ms but I love peanut M&Ms. Especially by the bowlful and with a big glass of milk. I love chapstick; Burt's Bees is my favorite. I love the smell of eucalyptus, especially when it's fresh. Let's see...when I feel overwhelmed, I make lists. It's instant sanity on a piece of paper! I still haven't ordered the large prints and frames of my wedding pictures, and we've been married for 6 months! (In my defense, I've been pregnant almost 4 of those months...) I have to fold laundry directly from the dryer, ie, hot and wrinkle-less. If clothes have sat in the basket and are cold, I'll stick 'em back in the dryer for reheating before drying. If they've sat LONG enough, I'll re-wash them! I'm weird like that. Well, that's all I can think of for now!

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The bloggers I'd like to honor are (although I doubt some of them will participate because they are busy, busy mommies!): Elisabeth, Kate, Ashley (mama-to-be!), Aimee, Emily (brand-new mom!), Lauren, and Liz (mama to a crazy couch-eating dog).

as promised...

15 weeks, 1 day pregnant

Sorry the lighting is not great, but I remembered to do this at night-time and I hate garish overhead lighting. Anyhoo. The next will be taken by the light of day! I've decided that I don't want to know if I'm showing/popped out too much for 15 weeks...I've been lectured by quite a few people who've told me this is my pregnancy and unique to me and to quit comparing already! Good advice that I intend to follow. And now that I actually see myself in this way, I've realized I seem to be carrying high. Oooh, what does this mean? For some reason, I love old wives' tales. If you are an old wife and you tell tales, do please share.

Please pray

I have a "blog-friend" in Arkansas named Kelly. We've emailed a couple of times but mostly I feel like I know her well from reading her blog. She is truly a shining spirit and a sweet soul; her happiness and joy bless me often. Kelly and her husband Scott prayed for a baby for a couple of years, and their joy became complete tonight when their baby girl, Harper, was born. Then every new mama's worst nightmare came true: Harper had trouble breathing and it was determined that she has severe pneumonia. This sweet baby is now being transported via helicopter to a children's hospital where she will soon undergo a surgery to save her life.

I can't even begin to express how this distresses me. And I don't think it's just because I'm pregnant and I can only begin to imagine what Kelly is going through. It's more than that -- it's the horror of a small child struggling for life. It's the horror of a child literally being flown away from her mother's eager and empty arms. It's just plain horrible. This is one of those times when faith takes the driver's seat. You either believe that God is good and sovereign -- no matter what, or you abandon that belief. Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest. It's hard to believe when you hear a story like that, but believe I will and believe I must. It is my heart's prayer that sweet Harper be restored to health, and that she be restored to her mama and daddy's loving arms. If you can, please join me in this prayer.

pregnant ramblings

So tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks pregnant. I maintain this is one of the hardest stages in pregnancy...I'm out of the evil first trimester when fatigue and nausea ruled my life (I really don't remember very many specific days, it's all kind of a blur!) and I'm coasting through the second trimester, which is a good thing, but it has its drawbacks. I've commented to several people that, at least during the first trimester, you have daily, if not moment-to-moment, reminders that you're pregnant and definitely growing a baby. Once you've hit second trimester and all the nastiness fades away, though, you begin eagerly awaiting all the kicking that will be your comfort and joy (and reassurance) until the end. However, even though I've seen the baby kicking on ultrasound (more on that in a minute), I have yet to feel it. Okay, I've had a few sensations but I can't convince my mind that it was the baby! Anyway, it feels like the limbo stage of pregnancy, and well, I don't like it. I like reassurance. I'm a sucker for reassurance, especially when it comes to this much-desired child.

Speaking of which, I did indeed get an ultrasound on my birthday. It was not scheduled, but let's just say my doctor was amenable to, uh, circumventing the strict schedule, especially after he heard it was my birthday! Oh yes, I used all my ammunition to get that ultrasound, and thank goodness I have the world's most pleasant and jovial OB/GYN, who thinks I'm just a hoot! Another point of gratitude was that this ultrasound was performed on top of my belly and not the other kind -- I was really OVER those. Anyway, so I got smeared with the goo and the doc hit the lights and my baby became star of the show once more. And once again, we were just awestruck at this beautiful child of ours...we saw her (for the sake of convenience, and also beause I have a feeling, I'm using "her") perfectly shaped head, spinal cord, even toes. I was blown away by those baby toes. I had an overpowering urge to somehow get to those toes and start smooching on them! We watched her wiggle around and I saw definite signs of "leave me alone, I was napping" from her! She had her little legs crossed at the ankles in a reclining position (a family trait!) and after continued pressure from the ultrasound wand, she kicked off and squirmed away, trying to nestle down and go night-night again. Oh, soooooooo like her mother. Anyway, I so deeply wish I could share a picture, but the ones that came out, well, they didn't really come out. My doctor said, "some women just don't transmit ultrasound waves very well, and seems you're one of them." Great. He did tell me that our 20-week ultrasound when we find out the sex (and OF COURSE we are) will be performed at another location, and that the machines are a lot more high-tech and will get me a great picture, regardless. Whew. At least we saw her clear as day on the monitor! I'm trying to make the memories last until the end of February, but like I said, without any kicking and squirming that I can feel, it's a bit tough.

As far as other pregnancy things go...we've picked out names. And they're set in stone. I'm still debating sharing them here, even though we don't mind sharing and our families have been told. I guess I'm just wary of the oddball bit of criticism, because I honestly love these names and love their significance to us. I've also started looking at baby bedding and nursery items, and saw on another girl's blog a suggestion to visit Serena and Lily. Um, gorgeous bedding, but totally un-gorgeous prices. I have definite ideas for a girl's nursery, which will be in raspberry and a fresh green color (it's impossible to explain the green; it's not apple, lime, or sage...it's just meadow-fresh-looking). And here's the place where readers tell me where to go shopping for inexpensive bedding in just those colors! Seriously, I'd love some suggestions. (By the way, I really appreciated the suggestions on pregnancy books; I'm glad to hear that everyone and her sister HATES "What to Expect..." because I really didn't like it myself).

Well, that's it for now! More on non-pregnancy-related life later...

New Year's news and already dying for Spring

Doesn't this picture give you a lovely zen feeling?

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope all my friends are recovering from the holidays in good order. I'm not...yet. I intend to amend that, but right now there's still a Christmas tree up in my living room (I have a good excuse, we didn't get home from our 2 weeks away until Sunday night!), piles of laundry to do, and gifts to unpack and put away. Not to mention the empty fridge and pantry that keep mocking me... Fortunately, I got all the bills paid yesterday and I'm caught up with work, so I'm not completely slacking.

Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and Peanut and I have a doctor's appointment. I'm not sure if we're having an ultrasound but I'm prepared to needle, wheedle, and beg for one! If all else fails, I'm playing the birthday card. It's just that at nearly 14 weeks, I know we'll be able to see much more baby this time, if we're allowed. A little birdie told me what my husband is giving me for my birthday, and I'm really pumped about it! We'll close out the day by going to my favorite Italian restaurant here in JC, called Alta Cucina. They have this amazing tomato bisque, and their pasta sauces are incredible. I can't wait!

I've always liked the fact that my birthday so closely follows the advent of a new year. It really helps in reflecting on the year gone by and planning for the year ahead. In addition to planning for a baby in July, we're also planning...dum-dum-de-dum!...a move to Indiana!!! As soon as we found out the baby was on the way, the wheels started turning in Marty's mind (unbeknownst to me at first) about the best place where we could raise our children. Because Marty's parents are both deceased, the only grandparents our children will know will be my parents. Throw in a heaping helping of close-by aunts and uncles and cousins for our children, and Indiana becomes very tempting. Once Marty told me his thoughts, I was overjoyed, to be quite honest. I have not been very happy in east Tennessee. Marty is the light of my life, but being alone all day, never seeing my family, and never even getting out with a friend for lunch or a pedicure (and I've looked for friends here, believe me), puts too much pressure on him as my sole companion and comfort. It's a testament to him that he's done such a good job keeping me fairly content! So, while we were in town over the holidays, we went apartment shopping and already signed up for an apartment we'll probably get in May (there's a waiting list). Since I work from home and could quite literally work from a beach in Bora Bora (if only), the one remaining task at hand is to find Marty a good job. He's starting to put out the feelers, but if anyone in Indiana has a good job lead for an attorney with a decade of experience in labor law, workers' compensation, etc., please do let us know! We would LOVE to be settled and comfy-cozy in our apartment in Indy before the baby arrives, so that's the plan. I have to admit, I'm geeked-out excited about it! The apartment complex does painting for you (for a fee, of course); all you do is hand over a few buckets of paint and voila! Also, after the hassle and chaos of our last move, we decided we're going to pay movers. There's no way I can help while great with child, and I don't want to have my parents help us, and I don't want the burden on my husband, either. It's definitely an expense, but I think a worthy one. So, my big project for the coming months is to purge, purge, purge our belongings and mentally decorate our new home, so I can walk right in and get settled.

Spring has always been my favorite season, but as you can tell, I have a lot of new reasons to look forward to the warmer months. I'll be moving HOME, my baby will be coming soon, and I'll get to have that lunch and pedicure with a friend when I need it (are you reading this Ellen?). So, come soon Spring!