thoughts on parenting

As my belly gets bigger and the countdown tally of days gets smaller, my thoughts are turning more and more often to parenting. Probably a good thing, right? I find that I'm very interested in how others choose to parent their children, but I also find myself feeling more and more critical of the choices that some people make for their children (observations from blogs, TV, real-life, etc.). My critical thoughts are seeming to boil down to one issue: how much control parents exert on their children.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about discipline here -- Marty and I already have pretty solid ideas on discipline and those are basically a merging of how he and I were disciplined as children by our parents. For example, my parents chose different methods of discipline for each child; spankings didn't really work on me, but sticking me in a corner for 10 minutes of absolute silence was pure torture for me and the lesson came through loud and clear each time I was disciplined this way. But I digress. What I'm talking about it is more along the line of personal, private time and the ability to make personal, private choices. For example, my sisters and I were taken to the library about once a week or every other week, but my parents never screened or censored the books we checked out. They let us explore our own interests and didn't obsess over illustrations, word choice, content, etc. Of course, an attempt to check out a dirty novel would have been immediately halted, but that never happened and that's not really my point here. I guess it just irks me deep inside knowing that some parents feel the need to screen and censor every little image or sound or word or thought or feeling that occurs in their children! Not to mention the need that I see some parents displaying to control every moment of their children's lives. Some of my most cherished time as a teenager was spent in my own room in privacy, listening to music I chose, reading books I chose, talking on the phone with friends I chose, and dreaming dreams that were all my own. This is where a person finds her own identity! I see the job of parents to guide their children toward good and beautiful things. I remember being encouraged to go read a book under a tree in the summer. I remember books being read to us; my mom read us Little Women after dinner and my dad read me Cinderella before bed (he does a great Fairy Godmother voice, by the way..."bippity-boppity-boo!"). Plus all those library trips! So is it any wonder that I and my sisters grew up to be voracious readers? But here's the real beauty of it...my sister Sarah reads science fiction (Michael Crichton) and disaster books (Isaac's Storm and The Sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald). My sister Katie devours history books (biographies of presidents, the Civil War) and can't get enough of art and art history books. Of course, I read lots of fiction and anything I can get my hands on relating to British history. Sarah has a degree in Biology, Katie in Art History, and I have my degree in English. We are such different people with very different interests, but I have to thank my parents again and again for letting us choose who we wanted to be, not some cookie-cutter version of themselves or what they thought the model child should look like.

I should also make it clear that my parents were very discerning about what children they let me play with, but they were also very generous once they made those decisions. I went to countless slumber parties as a child and had many of my own. I was also not allowed to date until I was 17, but my parents didn't balk (although my dad might have had a small heart attack) when I brought home the boy with an earring and a definite smell of cigarette smoke on his clothes. (I made increasingly better and better choices from then on...)

I guess my point is this, I think parents should provide all kinds of direction and guidance, but at the end of the day, let their children be who they are. Let them make their own choices, even if those choices are mistakes. Supervise, but don't control! If my life is any indication, this method has the best results. My sisters and I are extremely close to our parents and we all thoroughly enjoy the adult friendships that we now share with them.

Of course, I wonder how I'll feel when I have my own child? I already think I might not let her out the door for kindergarten... :)

trying to focus

A coworker wrote me this morning and said, "Today just feels like a Monday. Blah." I wrote her back and said, "It's a Monday in January no less. Double-blah." The sky is gray and the landscape is bleak. I feel just as gray and bleak inside! I simply hate this time of year. My precious Dr. Records in Indiana diagnosed me many moons ago as having a moderate case of seasonal anxiety disorder and gave me some tips for dealing, but honestly, the only cure for SAD is straight-up sunshine. And there's precious little of it in east Tennessee right now. Sigh.

So I'm trying to focus on other things, at least for this moment in time. First of all, while my Marty and I were doing serious damage at Wal-Mart on Saturday, we passed the refrigerator of flowers and he just insisted on buying me a dozen pink-and-white tulips. God bless this man, for he knows me well. They have opened so prettily, and they are certainly cheering me today:

When I look at them, I ponder that only the marvelous Creator of the universe could have concocted that shade of green. It just breathes life into your eyes, doesn't it?

I'm also dreaming about the decorating I'm going to do in our apartment in Indiana when we get there...our master has a sink/vanity area in the bedroom, in addition to the sink/vanity in the bathroom. Guess who gets the former vanity??? And you better believe I'm going to girl-ify it and French-ify it within an inch of its life. Okay, that expression makes no sense in that context, but you get my drift. Anyway, we're doing our master bed and bath in shades of soft blue, ivory, sunshine yellow, and chocolate brown. In digging through items in the evil storage room, I found a couple of things that I'm ecstatic about using!

The little sign was given to me a few years ago by my BF, Kate. God bless her, for she knows me well. Little did she know how handy it would be a few years down the road! The jar I found a few months ago at TJ Maxx (my marked-down retail lover) for I think 7-8 dollars, and it had to be mine, of course, since it so merrily sports a fleur-de-lis.

In light of the mental nesting going on, I plucked this from my bookshelf for another flip-through:

Sadly, I can't remember for the life of me if Kate or Kristen gave this to me. Either one of you want to claim the gifting of it? In any case, I love this book. It's fun and full of good tips, as well as great quotes, and I can't resist posting some here:

"Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart." ~Coco Chanel

"Although I look like a drag queen's Christmas tree on the outside, I am at heart a simple country woman." ~Dolly Parton

"I'm obsessed with having the perfect linens. I sleep a lot. My bed's like a big hug." ~Reese Witherspoon

"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck." ~Emma Goldman

Aren't those great? Especially Reese's quote. Yes, we'd be BFFs if only she knew I existed. A woman who declares her love for sleep with such passion could only be a true kindred spirit of mine.

Before I go (and because I'm hungry and craving Spaghettio's -- I know, I know, YUCK -- but this baby hearts them so being the good mama I am, I shall appease her), I wanted to leave y'all with an amazing recipe that I tried last night and both of us loved, and it was ridiculously easy. So far, so good on keeping to meal planning and prep this week, yay for me!

Lasagna Toss

1 pound lean ground beef
2 green peppers, chopped
1 tsp. minced garlic*
1 jar spaghetti sauce**
1/4 cup Italian dressing
12 lasagna noodles, broken into quarters***
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese****
2 cups water

Saute green peppers in a bit of olive oil for 2-4 minutes; add ground beef and brown. Add garlic, spaghetti sauce, water, and dressing; bring to boil. Stir in noodles; reduce heat to medium-low and cover. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes. Sprinkle with cheese; let stand 5 minutes or until cheese is melted.

*I used only a sprinkle or two of garlic salt because I was out of garlic, but the flavor was great as-is, so I don't know how much garlic I'd use. I guess it depends on how much you like garlic flavor.
**Please give Bertolli marinara with Burgundy wine a try. It's the best jar sauce I've ever had.
***Some of my lasagna noodles cracked into smaller pieces than this, but that's okay. It was good to have some bite-sized pieces and some pieces that required a cut.
****We used half a block of mozzarella cheese, I think it was 8 ounces! My husband really loves cheese, and it was so yummy with the extra. I guess use the recipe as a minimum, but add liberally as you wish!

One final note, I would love to hear what my readers like to focus on when the weather is so blah and there seems to be nothing to look forward to...

the (very late) January list

What I'm reading: The Life of Elizabeth I, by Alison Weir.
It's honestly a page-turner, which I know can be hard to believe, because it's a history book! But my-oh-my, what fascinating people in such fascinating times. Elizabeth I is truly my hero. And okay, I'll admit this much, if my baby is a girlie, that's going to be her middle name. Already daddy-approved. :)

What we're spending on: More maternity clothes. And I'll be darned if I don't do it as cheaply as possible, thanks Old Navy! I really need more things than I'd counted on, even things like pajama pants/loungewear. My pre-pregnancy pajama pants still fit, per se, but they like to roll and slide down my belly and I end up walking around with an exposed abdomen. In the middle of January. Not exactly pleasant! So I need items with a little more structure and support; things that will stay put. I really can't wait for warm weather when a t-shirt and some maternity capris and some comfy sandals will suffice every day!

What we're saving for: Not mattresses anymore, Woo-Hoo!!! We're not saving for anything in particular right now, yet lots of things in theory. That made little sense. Basically, we're going to be replacing some furniture (and upgrading to a plasma TV, for my husband's sake) when we make the big move to Indiana. I have a list of things we'll need to buy, but there's really no particular order on it right now. We just want the savings account to grow big and fat and be rarin' to go when we become Hoosiers again!

What I need to do: Still working on going through items in the evil storage room. In my defense, I've made a dent. Not a big dent, but a dent nonetheless. Sometimes, in impatient and impractical moments, I feel tempted to light a match... But no, even clothes that I don't want or don't fit anymore can go to Goodwill or be given to friends or even sold, if I feel up to that chore. If you're a petite medium and wouldn't mind a box of clothes to at least browse through before you pitch 'em, let me know!

What I'm thinking about: Is it a boy or a girl? I'm just dying to know. And I promise I'll share as soon we know! I've pretty much fallen in love with some baby bedding from Pottery Barn (I would get it in both colors and do a French country/shabby chic-type decor), so if it's a boy, I'll have to probably fall out of love with it (because you know it'll be discontinued by the time I actually have a girl) and start thinking in shades of blue.

What I'm working on: Meal-planning and appropriate grocery-shopping. I had a hit week last week but this week's been a bit of a miss. I've decided I actually need some new cookbooks (simple recipes, easy dinners, Crock-pot meals, that kind of thing), so if anyone has a great suggestion, I would welcome any recommendation!

What I'm happy about: My new toy. I'd mentioned in the post about my birthday that I knew my hubby was going to get me something really cool, and oh, he didn't fail me! He bought me an iPod Touch!I don't think I've stopped playing with her since she came into my life. With Internet access, iTunes, and all kinds of applications like Sudoku and crosswords, a person could never get bored with her. Thanks again, my Marty, for being the world's best gift-giver (and I know this is rare in husbands, so I'm very grateful!).

One other note before I go...Please notice the updated blogroll in the right column. My "blog attention" can be somewhat fickle, but these blogs have stood the test of time with me and I keep going back to them. And there's a new one on there...check out my new friend, the Shabby Princess!

My blog friend Sarah gave me this award! (Thank you, Sarah!) Here are the rules:

*Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
* Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
* List at least 10 honest things about yourself. (Sarah only did 7, so I'm only going to do 7 because believe it or not, it's hard to write random things about yourself!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I love to cook things in the Crock-pot. Right now I'm making Slow Cooker Corn Chowder (link will take you to the recipe on AllRecipes.com). In fact, I love AllRecipes.com. My best friend Kate got me onto it and it's completely addictive. My favorite feature is the ingredient search, where you can plug in a few ingredients you have on hand and feel like making a meal out of, and the search engine does its magic and offers you a selection of recipes to try! Anyway, back to my love of the Crock-pot...1) I love that your meal-in-the-making also makes your house smell so warm and inviting, 2) I love that you can do the dishes after the prep work and the kitchen is already clean by the time dinner is served, and 3) I love that cooking in the Crock-pot is almost fool-proof -- it's pretty hard to mess up a slow-cooker recipe.

2. I hate to clean toilets. I realize most people share in this hatred, but mine is to the level of detestation. The worst part is the snakey-coiled-undercarriage of the darn thing; it collects dust (and other things) and you have to bend your body in ungodly ways to run a sponge over it. I don't mind bathtubs and sinks, but if you're going to do a really good job, you're going to get really soaked in the process. Which limits when you can do it. I would love to have a maid just for cleaning bathrooms. In fact, Marty has said that as long as I'm a working mom (which I plan to be until baby #2 comes along), that he's entirely supportive of me spending some money on this. Actually, in another life, I did pay for housecleaning a few times...and it was awesome. I'd feel a little guilty indulging just now, since I work from home, but once I have a baby and I'm being a full-time stay-at-home mom in addition to being a full-time stay-at-home medical editor, I'll let myself off the hook of being a full-time stay-at-home housekeeper!

3. I'm still having a hard time believing I'm pregnant and that everything is going well. When you've waited and dreamed and hoped for as long as I have, I'm sure this is a normal reaction. Without the nausea and fatigue, sometimes I even forget that I'm pregnant and then the realization comes back to me, and my inner response is always something like, "Really???" I couldn't even look at the monitor during the first ultrasound because I was so convinced something would be wrong, until my doctor and my husband started carrying on a conversation about the beating heart! I can't help but feel incredulous and astounded. And I sure hope it goes away sometime soon, for the reality keeps getting bigger every day and will be here before I know it!

4. I love fresh flowers. In that past life I mentioned earlier, I had space carved out in my budget for fresh flowers every week. Every Friday afternoon I'd stop at McNamara florist on my way home, bop into the refrigerator room, and pick up some purple tulips or two-toned roses or something fun and cheerful to enjoy for the whole weekend. Nothing makes a room feel more pleasant or complete than a vase full of blooming flowers. I need to re-adopt my habit of weekly fresh flowers! (Can you tell I have expensive taste?)

5. I have crazy hair. Some people like to call it "naturally wavy" but I call it "naturally confused." Honestly, it can't decide if it wants to go straight or curly, so it does this in-between nonsense that is wretched to look at (and even worse to wear). I never let my hair air-dry and I never leave the house until it's been curled or straightened -- it needs to be encouraged along one line or the other!

6. I am really coming to appreciate delayed gratification. If you've followed my blog for the last few months, you know that Marty and I have been saving for some king-size mattresses for quite a while. Well, it took (seemingly) forever, but we saved long enough and hard enough that we actually had a surplus when we went furniture-shopping, enough to buy the mattresses and the two nightstands in our bedroom set! When the sales guy asked us how we'd like to pay, it was enormously satisfying to say "Cash." It would have been so easy to swipe a card, but it's going to be much easier on us in the long-run when we continue to make our way in the world credit card-free. (Of course, we have credit cards and always will, but they are allocated for emergencies and such things, not for day-to-day purchasing or financing large items!) It's so tough sometimes to stick to a rule, but discipline is really a beautiful thing.

7. Very random items: I hate regular M&Ms but I love peanut M&Ms. Especially by the bowlful and with a big glass of milk. I love chapstick; Burt's Bees is my favorite. I love the smell of eucalyptus, especially when it's fresh. Let's see...when I feel overwhelmed, I make lists. It's instant sanity on a piece of paper! I still haven't ordered the large prints and frames of my wedding pictures, and we've been married for 6 months! (In my defense, I've been pregnant almost 4 of those months...) I have to fold laundry directly from the dryer, ie, hot and wrinkle-less. If clothes have sat in the basket and are cold, I'll stick 'em back in the dryer for reheating before drying. If they've sat LONG enough, I'll re-wash them! I'm weird like that. Well, that's all I can think of for now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bloggers I'd like to honor are (although I doubt some of them will participate because they are busy, busy mommies!): Elisabeth, Kate, Ashley (mama-to-be!), Aimee, Emily (brand-new mom!), Lauren, and Liz (mama to a crazy couch-eating dog).

as promised...

15 weeks, 1 day pregnant

Sorry the lighting is not great, but I remembered to do this at night-time and I hate garish overhead lighting. Anyhoo. The next will be taken by the light of day! I've decided that I don't want to know if I'm showing/popped out too much for 15 weeks...I've been lectured by quite a few people who've told me this is my pregnancy and unique to me and to quit comparing already! Good advice that I intend to follow. And now that I actually see myself in this way, I've realized I seem to be carrying high. Oooh, what does this mean? For some reason, I love old wives' tales. If you are an old wife and you tell tales, do please share.

Please pray

I have a "blog-friend" in Arkansas named Kelly. We've emailed a couple of times but mostly I feel like I know her well from reading her blog. She is truly a shining spirit and a sweet soul; her happiness and joy bless me often. Kelly and her husband Scott prayed for a baby for a couple of years, and their joy became complete tonight when their baby girl, Harper, was born. Then every new mama's worst nightmare came true: Harper had trouble breathing and it was determined that she has severe pneumonia. This sweet baby is now being transported via helicopter to a children's hospital where she will soon undergo a surgery to save her life.

I can't even begin to express how this distresses me. And I don't think it's just because I'm pregnant and I can only begin to imagine what Kelly is going through. It's more than that -- it's the horror of a small child struggling for life. It's the horror of a child literally being flown away from her mother's eager and empty arms. It's just plain horrible. This is one of those times when faith takes the driver's seat. You either believe that God is good and sovereign -- no matter what, or you abandon that belief. Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest. It's hard to believe when you hear a story like that, but believe I will and believe I must. It is my heart's prayer that sweet Harper be restored to health, and that she be restored to her mama and daddy's loving arms. If you can, please join me in this prayer.

pregnant ramblings

So tomorrow I'll be 15 weeks pregnant. I maintain this is one of the hardest stages in pregnancy...I'm out of the evil first trimester when fatigue and nausea ruled my life (I really don't remember very many specific days, it's all kind of a blur!) and I'm coasting through the second trimester, which is a good thing, but it has its drawbacks. I've commented to several people that, at least during the first trimester, you have daily, if not moment-to-moment, reminders that you're pregnant and definitely growing a baby. Once you've hit second trimester and all the nastiness fades away, though, you begin eagerly awaiting all the kicking that will be your comfort and joy (and reassurance) until the end. However, even though I've seen the baby kicking on ultrasound (more on that in a minute), I have yet to feel it. Okay, I've had a few sensations but I can't convince my mind that it was the baby! Anyway, it feels like the limbo stage of pregnancy, and well, I don't like it. I like reassurance. I'm a sucker for reassurance, especially when it comes to this much-desired child.

Speaking of which, I did indeed get an ultrasound on my birthday. It was not scheduled, but let's just say my doctor was amenable to, uh, circumventing the strict schedule, especially after he heard it was my birthday! Oh yes, I used all my ammunition to get that ultrasound, and thank goodness I have the world's most pleasant and jovial OB/GYN, who thinks I'm just a hoot! Another point of gratitude was that this ultrasound was performed on top of my belly and not the other kind -- I was really OVER those. Anyway, so I got smeared with the goo and the doc hit the lights and my baby became star of the show once more. And once again, we were just awestruck at this beautiful child of ours...we saw her (for the sake of convenience, and also beause I have a feeling, I'm using "her") perfectly shaped head, spinal cord, even toes. I was blown away by those baby toes. I had an overpowering urge to somehow get to those toes and start smooching on them! We watched her wiggle around and I saw definite signs of "leave me alone, I was napping" from her! She had her little legs crossed at the ankles in a reclining position (a family trait!) and after continued pressure from the ultrasound wand, she kicked off and squirmed away, trying to nestle down and go night-night again. Oh, soooooooo like her mother. Anyway, I so deeply wish I could share a picture, but the ones that came out, well, they didn't really come out. My doctor said, "some women just don't transmit ultrasound waves very well, and seems you're one of them." Great. He did tell me that our 20-week ultrasound when we find out the sex (and OF COURSE we are) will be performed at another location, and that the machines are a lot more high-tech and will get me a great picture, regardless. Whew. At least we saw her clear as day on the monitor! I'm trying to make the memories last until the end of February, but like I said, without any kicking and squirming that I can feel, it's a bit tough.

As far as other pregnancy things go...we've picked out names. And they're set in stone. I'm still debating sharing them here, even though we don't mind sharing and our families have been told. I guess I'm just wary of the oddball bit of criticism, because I honestly love these names and love their significance to us. I've also started looking at baby bedding and nursery items, and saw on another girl's blog a suggestion to visit Serena and Lily. Um, gorgeous bedding, but totally un-gorgeous prices. I have definite ideas for a girl's nursery, which will be in raspberry and a fresh green color (it's impossible to explain the green; it's not apple, lime, or sage...it's just meadow-fresh-looking). And here's the place where readers tell me where to go shopping for inexpensive bedding in just those colors! Seriously, I'd love some suggestions. (By the way, I really appreciated the suggestions on pregnancy books; I'm glad to hear that everyone and her sister HATES "What to Expect..." because I really didn't like it myself).

Well, that's it for now! More on non-pregnancy-related life later...

New Year's news and already dying for Spring

Doesn't this picture give you a lovely zen feeling?

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope all my friends are recovering from the holidays in good order. I'm not...yet. I intend to amend that, but right now there's still a Christmas tree up in my living room (I have a good excuse, we didn't get home from our 2 weeks away until Sunday night!), piles of laundry to do, and gifts to unpack and put away. Not to mention the empty fridge and pantry that keep mocking me... Fortunately, I got all the bills paid yesterday and I'm caught up with work, so I'm not completely slacking.

Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday and Peanut and I have a doctor's appointment. I'm not sure if we're having an ultrasound but I'm prepared to needle, wheedle, and beg for one! If all else fails, I'm playing the birthday card. It's just that at nearly 14 weeks, I know we'll be able to see much more baby this time, if we're allowed. A little birdie told me what my husband is giving me for my birthday, and I'm really pumped about it! We'll close out the day by going to my favorite Italian restaurant here in JC, called Alta Cucina. They have this amazing tomato bisque, and their pasta sauces are incredible. I can't wait!

I've always liked the fact that my birthday so closely follows the advent of a new year. It really helps in reflecting on the year gone by and planning for the year ahead. In addition to planning for a baby in July, we're also planning...dum-dum-de-dum!...a move to Indiana!!! As soon as we found out the baby was on the way, the wheels started turning in Marty's mind (unbeknownst to me at first) about the best place where we could raise our children. Because Marty's parents are both deceased, the only grandparents our children will know will be my parents. Throw in a heaping helping of close-by aunts and uncles and cousins for our children, and Indiana becomes very tempting. Once Marty told me his thoughts, I was overjoyed, to be quite honest. I have not been very happy in east Tennessee. Marty is the light of my life, but being alone all day, never seeing my family, and never even getting out with a friend for lunch or a pedicure (and I've looked for friends here, believe me), puts too much pressure on him as my sole companion and comfort. It's a testament to him that he's done such a good job keeping me fairly content! So, while we were in town over the holidays, we went apartment shopping and already signed up for an apartment we'll probably get in May (there's a waiting list). Since I work from home and could quite literally work from a beach in Bora Bora (if only), the one remaining task at hand is to find Marty a good job. He's starting to put out the feelers, but if anyone in Indiana has a good job lead for an attorney with a decade of experience in labor law, workers' compensation, etc., please do let us know! We would LOVE to be settled and comfy-cozy in our apartment in Indy before the baby arrives, so that's the plan. I have to admit, I'm geeked-out excited about it! The apartment complex does painting for you (for a fee, of course); all you do is hand over a few buckets of paint and voila! Also, after the hassle and chaos of our last move, we decided we're going to pay movers. There's no way I can help while great with child, and I don't want to have my parents help us, and I don't want the burden on my husband, either. It's definitely an expense, but I think a worthy one. So, my big project for the coming months is to purge, purge, purge our belongings and mentally decorate our new home, so I can walk right in and get settled.

Spring has always been my favorite season, but as you can tell, I have a lot of new reasons to look forward to the warmer months. I'll be moving HOME, my baby will be coming soon, and I'll get to have that lunch and pedicure with a friend when I need it (are you reading this Ellen?). So, come soon Spring!

the (late) December list

What I'm reading: What to Expect When You're Expecting. Of course. Although I've found it sadly insufficient in many areas. Does anybody like the Q&A format? I surely don't. Does anybody have any better suggestions for pregnancy reading? I also just finished reading Remember Me? by the same girlie who wrote all the lovely Shopaholic books. Every now and then I need a British chick-lit fix!

What we're spending on: Christmas, but thankfully that's almost finished. With 4 days to spare...seriously, without online shopping and my sweet UPS lady (who asks me about the baby every time I see her now, since she's seen me disheveled and ill and pale so often!), there would be practically zero Christmas for my loved ones. Also, my sweet husband took me on a bit of a shopping spree in Motherhood (maternity store) last night. All I can say is, pregnancy jeans are IT. I mean, hello beautiful comfort!!! Now I don't dread getting out of pajamas, and that's a big deal for me right now.

What we're saving for: Yup, still those king-size mattresses. Although I'm really proud of us -- we were able to sock away some of our Christmas gift money, and the plan is to have our mattresses and fully ensconced in bed-heaven by next month!

What I need to do: Send Christmas cards; send packages to friends and family in North Carolina, Mississippi, and New York; buy a couple of stocking stuffers; do all my laundry and pack to leave for Christmas vacation (nearly 2 weeks' worth!) on Tuesday afternoon! Yee-haw! Family and north, here we come!

What I'm thinking about: my baby, mostly. What mama-to-be doesn't think often of her baby as he or she is being formed in her womb? It occupies quite of bit of my mental activity these days. We've already picked out names, I've had inspiration for a girl's nursery (I will need serious help with a boy's nursery), and oddly, we already got the full prenatal care bill (yeah, that's up to and including JULY). So, a lot of the practical things have been done or are being taken care of, leaving me time to think about more profound things, like what kind of mama will I be???

What I'm working on: Planning lots of changes in the New Year. More on that to come...

What I'm happy about: Seeing Marty be excited about his baby...it blesses me so much to experience HIS happiness about the babe. Also, getting to spend nearly 2 weeks with family and friends...and especially my nieces and nephews. There's nothing like experiencing Christmas with children, is there? Also, being on the very cusp of turning the corner into second trimester. Just a few days to go, and relief from fatigue and sickness is (supposedly) in sight!

Vote on my poll!

See the poll to the right --->

The results of this poll will either make me feel better or far, far worse. No pressure.

Tagged

I was tagged by Sarah at This Girl's Life to do this little fun survey.

The Rules:
*Link to the person who tagged you.
*Share 7 random/weird facts about you.
*Tag 7 people at the end of the post, and include links to their blogs.

1) Since becoming pregnant, I've had far more vivid dreams than usual. And usually, my dreams are about...pizza. I woke up one morning dreaming of long, stringy, hot mozzarella cheese being pulled away from a pepperoni pizza. Golly, I think I want pizza again tonight.

2) My husband and I met on eHarmony. I think I've shared that before, but it's one of those facts we enjoy sharing with other people because it always seems to generate a unique reaction. For some reason, it makes us kind of celebrity-ish. People always seem terribly impressed and pressure us to "do a commercial."

3) I went to a private Baptist school up until my senior year, when I transferred to a public high school. That was a rude awakening! I was offered -- let's just say "illegal drugs" my first week of school and I think I just stared blankly at the kid, like "are you for real?" I felt like I'd walked into an after-school special.

4) "Dallas" is my favorite TV show of all time. I used to watch it with my grandparents while they babysat us, and Grandpa would give me a Coke in a glass bottle, apple slices, and Cheez-Its. Man, those were good times!

5) Speaking of favorites, it seems I have a "favorite" everything. Favorite flower (lily of the valley), favorite bird (morning dove), favorite brand of tights (DKNY), favorite upscale store (Von Maur), favorite game (Trivial Pursuit), favorite perfume (Jivago), favorite this, favorite that. Ask me what my "favorite" is of anything and 9 times out of 10, I'll have a ready answer for you.

6) I always take a bath (or hot shower, if a bath is unavailable) before bed. It's a habit I started in high school to unwind and it's one I intend to keep for the duration. I have a thing about enjoying a nice bath, slipping into really great pajamas, then further slipping in between really great sheets. I'm a big fan of R&R.

7) If I could meet any celebrity, anyone at all, I would choose Paula Deen. I feel she could teach me any number of things, and only some of those in the kitchen! She seems such a warm, wise, loving lady, and I love her sense of humor and that great Southern accent. Paula's people: leave a comment and we'll arrange a meeting. :)

Okay, I tag: Ellen, Kate, Aimee, Ashley, Sebi, Liz, and Emily.

New York City!

I can't believe it's taken me THIS LONG to write about our trip to New York City! Anyway, without further ado, here's 25 things about our trip that I wanted to share:

1) Did you know that LaGuardia Airport is right on the water? When your plane comes in, it's hard to tell if you're going to hit water or tarmac. Not fun for the flight-challenged, like myself.
2) Cab drivers in NYC: you lived up to every nuance of reputation you have. Cab driver from LaGuardia to Long Island: thank you for making the cab ride for this pregnant woman the closest I've come to actually tossing cookies. (My brother-in-law, John, kept glancing at me nervously, like "don't do it on me!")
3) We stayed with Marty's Aunt Becky (she's only 8 years older than Marty, so more like a big sister than an aunt), her husband Ed, and their 3 kids, John Thomas, Henry, and Grace. They have a beautiful home all done up in...French Country style. I nearly died of bliss. We were sitting at the dining table eating breakfast one morning when I asked Becky, are these slipcovers from Ballard Designs? Becky looked at me with both shock and deep appreciation and confirmed my suspicion! She told me I really know my stuff! (this is perhaps one of the highest compliments I've ever received)
4) Becky and Ed gave up their master bedroom with a brand-new TempurPedic bed for us for our entire stay. I'm not sure if this was the plan all along, or if it was prompted by our big news! As soon as we were in the door, coats off, being offered drinks, Marty told the family about Peanut and Aunt Becky started crying and hugging and laughing at the same time. It was wonderful to be enveloped with such warmth and love! Then, in the next 5 minutes, Becky had me on the couch, shoes off, ottoman shoved under my legs, an afghan on me, and a water in my hand almost before I could nod or say thank-you. Suddenly a fire was built in the fireplace and appetizers appeared on the coffee table. I've rarely experienced such sweet solicitous caring. I should seriously be pregnant more often.
5) Long Island has the best food markets on Planet Earth. We went to stock up on some goodies for our stay and I was blown away by the rows and rows and stacks and stacks of gourmet food. Every kind of olive you can imagine, every kind of cheese, hummus, dips, crackers, bread, produce like you've never seen away from a farm...cases of freshly made lasagna, pasta salads, veggie salads, I could go on and on. I told Marty I was living every pregnant woman's dream!
6) Long Island also has something called a Dairy Barn, which isn't like a Dairy Queen or anything of the sort. It's this odd little drive-up store where you can get anything from donuts to beer to ice cream to fresh sweet tea and lemonade. Dairy Barn, I miss you. And your lemonade.
7) We (Becky, Grace, me, Marty, and John) took the Long Island Railroad into the city on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Here's a pic of me and my darling husband on the train:

8) And here's Gracie on the train (she is one of the best-behaved children I've ever met and is city-savvy! Look at her puffy coat and Uggs!): 9) Our first stop in the city was, where else? Starbucks! And I'm not kidding when I say there's one on every corner. I was actually feeling up to coffee that day (I'm usually not these days), so I had a lovely decaf misto to enjoy while we walked block after block after block! Here's me enjoying my misto in Times Square:

10) We saw this store on our walk, and I couldn't resist taking a picture of it! Too bad we're not related to that fortune!11) Then I stopped cold in my tracks when I saw this: I'm a HUGE fan of Project Runway and I got so excited thinking that Tim Gunn could be inside those very walls. I had a fleeting temptation to become a stalker. Fortunately, the moment passed.
12) John wanted to go the Museum of Natural History (I think that's the proper name for it?). It was the setting for the Ben Stiller movie, "Night at the Museum" (if that helps anyone). Anyway, we saw lots of cool dinosaur bones, and I kept thinking how my niece Ada would have gone nuts with happiness in the place -- she loves dinosaurs!There were about 8 trillion people there that day, though, so my energy levels petered out a couple times (I hate big crowds).
13) We closed the day out with a trip to the Hard Rock Cafe. Speaking of big crowds...that was kind of a nightmare. It was John's pick, though (he had to leave for home a few days ahead of me and Marty), so it was all good. However, I've learned not to wait to find a bathroom anywhere in the city. If you have the slightest inkling, get up and go find a bathroom that very instant, because you'll stand in line, a very LONG line. Very common experience for me while in New York!
14) I just realized I skipped a whole day, Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. We slept in (thank goodness, since there was a trampling incident at a Wal-Mart on Long Island that morning!!!) and then went to the mall on Long Island in the afternoon. That was CRAZY. However, my husband kept wanting to treat me the whole time we were there, so I let him buy me some black Coach boots in Macy's (on sale for a ridiculous amount, for Coach, anyway). We also drove around and saw Adelphi University, where Marty got his master's degree in English (is he MADE for me or what?). Then we drove around and looked at some fabulous properties on the island. You think there are rich people in Indiana, and maybe even some rich people in Tennessee, and then you actually see how rich the rich people are in Long Island. And you know that you've never even fathomed having that much money!
15) Fast-forward to Monday, the only day Marty and I had alone in the city. It was magnificent! Well, things got off to a rough start...my socks kept slipping off my feet in my boots, necessitating an emergency trip into a random store to buy knee-high socks, then the street-vendor pretzel I had that was burnt and such a huge disappointment!...but as soon as we got to the Empire State Building, all was well again. Waiting in line for the skycab is not too different from waiting in line at Disney World, and get this, there is SECURITY in the ESB. As in, take off coats and shoes and bags and stick 'em on the conveyer belt, just like at the airport. What a sad reminder that we live in a post-9/11 world, especially when in the post-9/11 city.
Empire State Building is such a beautiful place, with all these Art-Deco touches here and there:So, after about an hour's walk and wait and various elevator rides, we got to the top!16) This is the famous skyline of Manhattan. In the top-right corner, you can see a little island with something poking up into the sky -- that's the Statue of Liberty! And Marty pointed out that right where the buildings make a W, used to stand the Twin Towers. That was very sobering to see. Then, here's the view when you look up:17) And here's the view when you look down onto Macy's!18) And of course, the view when you hand your camera to a perfect stranger:

19) Last but not least, the view of the Chrysler Building (my particular favorite):

20) After an exhausting morning, Marty took me to Saks Fifth Avenue to begin our shopping adventure. We started out in the "2 Eat @ Saks Cafe", where I had a lovely Cobb salad and pretzel croissants (I'd seriously maim someone for the recipe), followed by tiramisu and coffee. I can't stress this enough: If you want to eat well, go to New York City. Seriously the best food in the whole world. Just be careful of those street vendors... Anyway, so here was the view from our table:21) That's right, I ate and looked down on the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center!!! It wasn't lit yet, but that only slightly damaged my experience. :)
22) Then it was off to, where else? Tiffany's!!! Marty bought me an early Christmas present -- I'll share a picture of it soon. For a retail maven like myself, this was like coming home to the mother ship!
23) Then we took a couple of cabs up to a little store that Marty had even googled the location of, because he fully intended to make sure I had this experience in New York...that of buying a hand bag from, where else? kate spade! (Just for fun we looked at the Louis Vuitton bags in Saks...I thought Marty would stroke out when he saw the price tag.) So here's me, getting my beautiful kate spade bag all packaged carefully for the plane ride home...

24) Finally, after a very long day in the city, we packed it in and headed "home" to Long Island to eat Chinese take-out with the fam. I kid you not, even the Chinese take-out is better in New York! But one last shot...this is me, right before getting on the train to leave the city, feeling so very New York and loving it so much!Okay, yeah, so I look like a tourist. However, I had to have my little "Sex and the City" moment, okay?
25) Finally, I'm amazed at how much this post doesn't capture. We somehow didn't get any pictures of the family besides Gracie, nor did we get a shot of the fabulous turkey dinner that Becky and Ed cooked for us. Also, besides the pictures we didn't get, there's so much more I could say...like, if you think the president-elect is not worshipped as a messiah, um, just go to New York. He is. His face is everywhere. And it's creepy. Also, I had such varying encounters with people. A lot of them were rude and frankly, weird, but then again, a lot of them were truly pleasant. Waiters (in finer establishments in the city, I guess I should say) almost hover in their eagerness to please. And Tiffany's was such a beautiful experience that way -- there are no lines, no cash registers, none of that sloppy retail stuff. Clerks trained in the art of subtlety casually ask if you're ready to purchase, and if you are, they simply whisk away with your credit card and then reappear with a lovely blue bag and a receipt.
Anyway, I really have to cut this off for now, maybe I'll write a follow-up post one time when more memories come flooding back! All in all, it was a grand adventure and I'm so glad we had the opportunity to go! Thanks again Ed and Becky!!!

What's been keeping me from blogging?

Just a little something...

The picture is upside-down because my bebe is upside-down inside me right now (click on it for a better view; you can see eyes, arms, and even the umbilical cord near the bottom)! Yes, we are greatly anticipating the arrival of our little one in early July. I'm 9 weeks right now, and even though all the books tell you to wait for the 12th week to make your announcement, it seems bizarre to not publicly acknowledge your child, no matter how tiny it is! I have been GREATLY blessed in my OB/GYN here in Johnson City, especially after having had such a great doctor in Indiana (I didn't think I'd be so fortunate twice!). Dr. Hinton is kind, funny, clever, jovial, warm, and sweet. Seriously, he's all of the above. He listens to my concerns and actually acts on them when necessary. We've had two ultrasounds already as a result; the first one at 6 weeks showed such a wee little thing but it already had that lovely beating heart! Our second ultrasound was just a few days ago, and it showed a much bigger baby than before (I can't believe how fast they grow in these early weeks) with a strong heartbeat (176 bpm). The baby even moved a little during the ultrasound, which surprised us all, even the good doctor! Apparently they don't move a whole lot during this time but it was such a blessing to this mama's heart to see her little one dance around in that warm pool of water!

Pregnancy so far has been something of a challenge for me. Nothing seems to prepare you for the physical and emotional onslaught. I've been a textbook pregnant woman, feeling very sick to my stomach at random times throughout the day, gagging at food smells (I plug my nose when opening the refrigerator; there's nothing smelly in there but I can SMELL things!), craving good things (cherry tomatoes) and bad things (Chips Ahoy!), weeping over anything and everything. Not to mention the fatigue! I have felt so useless at times, watching my hubby do all the meal preparation and clean-up. I just sit in a heap on the couch, moaning with sickness! But what a sweet husband I have. He keeps telling me, Honey, you're doing the REAL hard work, I don't mind doing the little stuff!

In fact, it always feels naughty to complain, even the littlest bit. You see, this baby is a miracle in many ways. We feel blessed beyond measure. The first time we saw the baby's heart beating on the ultrasound, Marty and I locked eyes and the wonder, awe, and joy we felt was and is indescribable. What a gift to have finally found my true place in life, with an amazing man, who I adore, and our child on the way, who I love so dearly. Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gifts!

the November list

What I'm reading: Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. There's a post about this book in comparison with another book brewing in my head...

What we're spending on: I'm trying to get a couple new items for my wardrobe so I'm sufficiently stylin' in NYC in a couple weeks!

What we're saving for: king-size mattresses. STILL. It's just not incredibly easy to set aside $2,000+. Even when you piece-meal it. Can you tell we want to pay cash for everything? We paid for our wedding with cash, and it's so clear to us that this is the way to go for any large purchase.

What I need to do: send the rest of the wedding thank-you notes. STILL. I got the first half of the thank-you notes done, but that little victory became a little excuse to procrastinate doing the rest of them. Get some Christmas shopping done, at least on paper (who gets what, budgets, stores, coupon codes for online shopping, etc).

What I'm thinking about: a couple of really intense things, and also a couple of really non-intense things, like the spaghetti sauce bubbling in the crockpot right now. It is calling my name! Do you ever feel like your brain is layered, and it's easier to stay on the surface and think about the mostly trivial, because sometimes it's so exhausting to dig -- and think -- deeper?

What I'm working on: daily upkeep of the house. I hate how a couple days of neglect is so visible in our home! I'm not talking dishes or anything, just the general whatnot that accumulates: mail, sweaters, books, magazines, gym bags, shoes, borrowed items to be returned, items just-bought that need homes, etc. Clutter makes me crazy!

What I'm happy about: going to NYC for Thanksgiving, then the almost 2 weeks I have off around Christmas to spend in Indiana and Michigan. I love travel, I love time with family, and (usually) I love the holidays! I can't believe it's the middle of November and we're so very close to shutting down 2008 forever. It boggles my mind to think of how drastically (and quickly!) my life has changed in a year. This time last year, I was single, living in Indiana, working a job I didn't like, commuting sometimes 2 hours a day, and long-distance dating Marty. Now I'm happily married, I work from home at a job I mostly enjoy, I live in Tennessee, and I get to see my beloved every day! God amazes me at how He makes my dreams come true.

sage words

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."

If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.

~C.S. Lewis

in defense of Christianity

After recently ranting against extremism in Christianity, I'm now going to take up the cause of Christianity because, well, I have things to say. And this is my blog, so I'm going to say them.
I am so deeply grateful to be a Christian, to know the love of Jesus Christ. With tears in my eyes writing this, I can sincerely say that I'm constantly overwhelmed by joy from the blessings in my life directly from His hand. After years of living in a truly awful marriage (and covering up that fact to the outside world), I was delivered from it with clear finality and was surrounded by angels in human form who bore me up with such grace and love, I could feel through them the strength of Jesus. My parents, my sisters, my best girlfriends, all joined my huddle and the fight to build my life again. With a shattered heart and a confused faith, I approached the throne of God with a simple plea, Help me through this, help me make it to the other side, wherever that is, and help me know who You really are. In fact, I even tried for awhile to completely throw off my faith, to see if it was another illusion with which I'd been living for so long. And you know what? It didn't work. I couldn't fling it away. Because you see, my faith is part of me. It's my identity and it's my very soul. My whole life I have felt the beautiful presence of God, and I've always known Him from the way my parents lived their lives and brought Him to every dinner table and every bedtime prayer. God's blessing was solicited for traveling, for healing, for peace at family functions, and even for math tests. And in the midst of the worst crisis of my life, God made His presence known to me, again and again. He was there with love and forgiveness and understanding and help and hope. God saved my eternal soul a long time ago, but He saved my earthly life, too. He was there as I picked up each little piece of Becky and glued her back together. And He was there when I met my husband. Some might say that Marty and I met by chance, but we both know differently. It was a connection guided by the most loving hands, the hands of our Creator and Redeemer. Marty and I give God all the credit for bringing us to each other and bestowing upon us the greatest human blessing of all, the gift of a soulmate.
I say all of this for a reason. My faith in Christ is the best thing I have to offer to this world, because the love of Christ inspires love in me. Without Him, I could very well be a bitter, angry, useless shell of a person right now, and this is no exaggeration, because I was tempted toward that path several times. Because Jesus loves me, I am proud to bear the title of Christian. And I am proud to be all the things that define Christians, and further, that define conservatism. I believe in the sanctity of life and the holiness of marriage. Of course that means I believe abortion to be murder and marriage to be between a man and a woman only. I believe what the Bible teaches me about these things. And you know what? This makes me incredibly uncool. Oh the pitying looks and the withering remarks I've had. And not just uncool...it makes me dumb, ill-informed, and worse, stupid. I consider myself to be a very bright, well-educated woman with a love for learning and knowledge. I can speak with a certain confidence on many, many subjects because I'm self-taught in many, many areas. But none of this matters when you also happen to be a Christian and a conservative. All of your education and hard-earned life wisdom fly out the window if you express adherence to the Christian faith. For some reason, this boils me down to a mere simpleton in the eyes of others who have it "really" figured out. To some people, being a Christian doesn't make you someone of another opinion, it makes you stupid.
I've never felt this more keenly than in the last few hours, with the result of this election. I watched a few minutes of The View this morning, and when Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the die-hard Christian conservative, spoke, her words brought me to tears. She accepted the defeat of her team with grace and beauty, and she said, "I'm going to get behind the new president, because that's what Americans do." Of course, the ladies surrounding her looked at her with the same brand of pity I've seen in the eyes of people I know, like "oh poor thing, she didn't know any better to vote for the RIGHT guy."
So I've realized something. Christians will always be uncool. We'll always be labeled anti-progressive, hateful, and ignorant. Why? Because we believe in certain black-and-whites, like the truth of sin. We believe in a different kind of love, the kind that doesn't say, Anything goes, but the kind that says, You're a sinner but I love you anyway, and I came to give you freedom from your sin.
So I'll never fit in with the cool kids. I can accept that. Because Jesus told me I wouldn't fit in, that I shouldn't fit in. He told me not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind to a higher love that humans can't attain outside of His power. He told me I'm just a traveler, passing through this place on my way to my heavenly home. He told me I might even be persecuted for taking His name and identifying myself with Him.
But you know what? I'd rather be on His side, because of all the beautiful things He's done for me. I've seen His hand so clearly in my life, and really, standing up for Him and for the truth is the least I can do in return. There are people who might read this and write me off as ridiculous, and I can't do anything about that. Because I have to be true to my soul, which belongs to Jesus.

Random thoughts, round 2

I haven't posted in a little while and that's mostly because I haven't felt well this week. I think I'm battling strep throat and I really need to suck it up and find a local doctor. I don't really want to because I adore my doctor back home in Indiana, who has been my doctor since I was 5 years old! Anyhoo, just wanted to jot down some thoughts rolling around in my head, from the extremely trivial to varying levels of higher importance.

• I feel a rant coming on toward legalistic Christians. I grew up going to a very strict private Baptist school, and I experienced legalism in just about every form imaginable. I must state that my parents were not among this crowd; they sent us to the school so we could get a top-notch education, which we did. What they didn't bargain for was all the irrational spiritual "sludge" (my term) that would be crammed into our minds along with our A-B-C's. Anyway, for most of my adult life, I've attended non-denominational churches and more recently, a Lutheran church (which is truly my church "home" -- they are ALL ABOUT grace!). However, I still read lots and lots online about current thinking in the modern-day church, and lately, what I'm reading is scaring me. It's scaring me because it's so deeply familiar. For example, practicing yoga is a sin? Er...WHAT??? Seriously, people, let's get back to the basics of Christianity. Love God and love your neighbor. This is the message that Jesus preached to us over and over and over again. Why? Because that's the heart of Christianity, not spending all our time worrying over sin. We've been freed from the law!!! Let's live in GRACE. Like my pastor says, "Live in the gift." I could go on and on, but that's a good summary for now. I've a feeling I'll be revisiting this topic again soon, though. Stay tuned. For more ranting.
• And on to a completely different topic...how many of you ladies use Oil of Olay? I'm 31 years old, and suffice it to say, I've had pretty crappy skin for oh, 17 years? I've tried everything on the market to help with acne and dryness, and I mean everything: Proactiv Solution (which works until I break out into hives), all the over-the-counter products, several expensive salon products, even the prescription drug, Accutane (which you can NOT be on if you're sexually active...even with the required 2 forms of birth control, the possible birth defects are truly scary). Anyway, I don't recall how I got the idea to moisturize my skin to the nth degree, but last week I bought Oil of Olay day cream and night cream. And holy cow, kids, it works!!! My skin is not only soft and smooth, it's CLEAR. It's like a drugstore miracle. Maybe my skin was just starved for moisture all these years? Typical of me...struggle for years with something only to find a very simple solution.
• This weekend, Marty and I will be continuing our search for economical but high-quality king-size mattresses. People who know me personally, know that I'm a champion sleeper. Seriously, I have the equivalent of a black-belt or a gold medal or an Oscar in sleeping. I'm that good at it, and enjoy it that much! So I can't stress enough the importance of a good mattress to my championship sleeping...yet in my old age, I'm becoming something of a penny-pincher. Does anyone have any good recommendations on where we should be looking for mattresses? The next decade of my sleeping quality depends on what you say...so no pressure.
• It's official...we're going to NYC for Thanksgiving weekend! We'll be flying out Thanksgiving morning and then making our way to Long Island, where Marty's Aunt Becky lives. We'll be staying until the next Tuesday, so there will be plenty of time with the Fam PLUS time by ourselves in the great city! Yes, it won't be long until I can personally say...

Fun at the orchard

On Saturday morning, Leslie, Marty and I piled into the car and took a trip to Altapass Orchard in North Carolina by way of the Blue Ridge Parkway. I still don't know which part of the trip was better -- the actual orchard or the beauty and grandeur set out for our viewing enjoyment on the Blue Ridge Parkway! As Leslie said, "it's like a show just for us."
At the orchard, we took in the mountains and the apples and the mountains of apples:Then we took in the bluegrass band playing their good ole tunes and all the folks who were clogging and dancing in the crisp air...

We ate hot dogs and pulled pork sandwiches and pumpkin cake while the band sang "Rocky Top" (I really felt like a true Tennessee girl!). Then we drank some hot apple cider before beginning our frolic in the apple barn and the orchard.

It was truly the perfect fall experience. We had so much fun! Thanks again, my Leslie, for having this brilliant idea and letting us tag along on your journey to "fall for fall." Thanks also for the amazing pictures! Please come back and visit again soon!

how to not hate Monday mornings

On Sunday afternoon/evening:

• Iron all hubby's shirts and pants (so his mornings are smooth and easy for the coming week)
• Let hubby have his fill of football (this leads to happy hubby in general)
• Clean kitchen (there's nothing worse than being greeted in the morning by a sinkful of dirty dishes)
• Make sure fridge and pantry are stocked with healthy breakfast items (skim milk, Total wheat flakes, and bananas on tap for this week)
• Ready coffeemaker so all that's required in the AM is the pushing of a button
• Make bed with freshly cleaned white sheets for peaceful slumber and sweet dreams, in order to awake refreshed and happy

I'm proud to say I've done all the above. Looking forward to a happy Monday!!!

Random thoughts

• I'm really irritated at the ending of Project Runway. Kenley was my favorite, and she didn't have an attitude, she was just...emotional. Yeah, that's it. (Okay, she had an attitude. But even though Kenley snapped at him, the great Tim Gunn forgave and called her "sweetheart.") Anyway, I loved her Bryant Park collection, especially this dress. Leanne's collection was just...blah. Yeah, the petals are a cool feature and all, but the colors? Yawn. The styles? I wouldn't wear 'em.
• I just found a new show. Well, it's new to me. Has anyone watched "Samantha Who?" It's an adorable comedy featuring Christina Applegate. I watched a couple episodes online here.
• I've re-fallen in love with Real Simple magazine. I had a subscription for a few years and let it lapse when...well, when normal life lapsed for awhile. In unpacking all my things, I found about 3 years' worth of old issues and I've discovered (again) that these magazines are worth their weight in gold, with all the fun recipes, advice, tips, and heartwarming stories. Real Simple, I shall never leave thee again.
• I can't wait to move out of this apartment. (But wait, Becky, didn't you just move in? Yes, we did. Keep reading.) Our lease will be up in May, and when the time comes, we're going to find a great place to rent (hopefully even a house) where I can a) paint the walls (I'm sick to my soul of cream-colored walls) and b) get a puppy. I work from home and I need a little friend to have with me for the 10+ hours that Marty is gone. I think I want a yellow lab. Marty and I are still debating the gender. (I want a boy dog, and I want to name him Pilot. Oh yes, like Mr. Rochester's dog in Jane Eyre. Marty wants a girl dog because he thinks a boy dog, especially one who spends all day with me, wouldn't feel much loyalty for the man of the house. We watch a lot of Dog Whisperer, and I have to admit, Marty has a point, being the alpha male of the pack and all that.)
• I found an absolutely lovely blog called this is glamorous. On it, I found this picture, which screams Becky at the top of its lungs:

• And that's it for now! Everyone have a great weekend!

the October list

So I've been wanting to keep a master list somewhere of things I'm doing, things I'm needing to get done, and just random other items floating in my head, and I thought, why not my blog? That way, all of my friends can keep me encouraged and headed in the right direction, yes? Without further ado, here's my first list!

• What I'm reading: Body in the Gallery, by Katherine Hall Page. Faith of My Fathers, by John McCain (no, I'm not a Republican but yes, I'm generally a McCain fan...and I'm reading this book less for voting research purposes and more because I admire war heroes and I want to know what his Vietnam experience was like, and no, I have no idea why I feel the need to vociferously defend my reading choices!). I need some new book recommendations, by the way...
• What we're spending on: getting the carpets, tile, and furniture upholstery in our apartment cleaned (not my favorite thing to spend money on, but soooo worth it).
• What we're saving for: king-size mattresses. And a house (a few years down the road).
• What I need to do: send the rest of the wedding thank-you notes. Clean my house in anticipation of Leslie's visit this weekend (hurrah! I get to see an actual girlfriend!!!). Organize the storage room/finish going through boxes and bags and take extraneous items to Goodwill. Get joint checking account open with Hubs (this has been a long, tedious process that of course, starts with changing your Social Security information, then driver's license, etc.). Clean and organize office (blecch). Start thinking about Christmas presents (seriously, where did 2008 go?). Finalize Thanksgiving plans.
• What I'm thinking about: the election and the economy, of course. How to tighten up our grocery spending without sacrificing yumminess/health. My niece, Ada, my dad, and my brother-in-law Christopher, who all celebrate birthdays this month. Also, my friends Leslie and Elisabeth are celebrating birthdays in October. (Have I missed anyone?)
• What I'm working on: losing weight (at least 20 pounds); I do 30 minutes on the treadmill at least 3 times a week, but I know I need to step it up (literally). Being more focused during the day/becoming more efficient in my job.
• What I'm happy about: the strength and wisdom of my husband, and the joy in our marriage. My cousin Tom becoming a daddy last week, at long last. My friend Ellen finalizing her next great career move soon, probably this week. Getting to go home to Indy in a couple weeks.

Wearing a smile

"...I will forget my complaint, I will put off my sad face and wear a smile..." Job 9:27 (New King James).

Something has been troubling me deep inside, for quite awhile now. It was something that was easy to put off dealing with, while I focused on my wedding and then making my home in Tennessee with my new husband. However, as each item has been put away, each chair arranged just-so, and each picture hung on the wall in our little apartment home, I got closer and closer to having no more excuses to avoid the trouble in my heart. That trouble erupted on Saturday night, after an innocent trip to the mailbox landed black-and-white proof of that very trouble in my lap. I opened the letter and burst into tears, confounding myself and my husband with the strength and rawness of my emotions.

I don't want to go into details about my trouble, because the people who know me personally already know of what I'm speaking, and it's too difficult to introduce in a forum such as this. Let it suffice to say, however, that this trouble was physical and emotional and spiritual, that it is over, and that the evidence that came in the mail was "simply" a very painful reminder of a very painful circumstance. It was also a reminder, fresh and new, of the feelings I had yet to process. So...process I did. Right then and right there. My husband held me as I sobbed and sobbed, finally giving oxygen to pent-up anguish. And oh my goodness, did it ever feel good. To let go, to give it up, to ask questions aloud, with anger and hurting, and to ultimately be okay knowing the answers are impossible to comprehend on this side of heaven. The best part (if there is a "best part" to meltdowns) was looking into the loving eyes of my husband, and knowing the love I see there is unconditional, complete, and immutable. Knowing also that true love is inspired by the Creator of love, and acknowledging that to be loved like that by another human being is merely an echo of how much I'm loved by that same Creator.

So, after the last sniffle ceased and the last tear was wiped away, I felt ready to put off my sad face and smile again. My hurt will never go away completely, but at least I'm no longer deeply troubled by it. What's the difference between these two states of being for me? A healthy dose of healing and a mighty big inundation of hope.

I have this little postcard ripped from a magazine that pictures two hands cradling a tiny plant in dark loamy soil, and the caption reads, "Hope blooms every day." My heart responded mightily when I saw this picture, so I tore it out and placed it just under my computer screen, where I can see it every chance I need to. You know why I need to see it? Because I've realized that it's a conscious decision, allowing hope to bloom in your heart. It's a purposeful direction of thought and feeling...hope doesn't just bloom of its own accord. You have to allow it to happen in your heart, then you must nurture it and let it bloom bigger and prettier than the day before. I've also learned that you have to make way for hope by letting healing happen in its own time. Delaying it and putting it off only makes the ultimate reckoning that much harder to bear. Healing is, in fact, that fertile loamy soil in which hope can bloom.

So on this beautiful October day, I feel as light as the leaves I'm watching drop and swirl in the sunshine and breeze. I have put away my sad face and I'm wearing a smile. And hoping with all my heart.

The country is having an anxiety attack

Or is it just me? As I type this, my husband is downstairs, still watching the vice presidential debate. Also as I type this, my husband's blood pressure is on the rise. Personally, I couldn't take it anymore. It's not just the blatant lying going on that's freaking me out (look, either he voted for it or he didn't, so someone is telling fibs up there!), but the issues flying about in the air like flies at a picnic. Are the polar ice caps really melting? And if so, is it really my fault if they are? (Seriously, was it all the aerosol hairspray I used in high school?) Then there are the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Not to mention the unstable, volatile places like Iran, North Korea, Israel, and Palestine. Not so ironically, the conversation about those places was immediately followed by a discussion about nuclear arms control...shudder. Oh, and let's not forget for even a second the grave financial crisis here at home. Who else feels in their gut like our economy is about to tank? Who else this week has felt the need to coldly assess the value of their jobs in a failing economy? My job is closely tied to healthcare, so it feels safer than others might, I suppose, but then again, I'm not a doctor or a nurse -- two jobs that would be safe in nearly any economic climate. I have a 401K that I no longer have any hope for, and not enough money on-hand to see us through an extended period of personal financial crisis, if we were both let go from our jobs tomorrow. I have bills to pay. I have to keep up a lease. I have to keep a gas tank filled. My husband drives a 60-minute round-trip commute to work 5 days a week, and even using his Toyota Camry, we're spending enough money weekly to feed a third-world country for a month. My husband was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, and I suddenly found myself in need of creative ways to feed him a healthier diet. And all that creativity was deflated as soon as I got to the checkout line at my grocery store. I did what all the experts say to do -- I filled my cart with fresh things on the perimeter of the store and (mostly) avoided the processed, packaged things in the middle...but my bill was how much??? Exhausted yet by my stream-of-consciousness rant???

In all seriousness, who else feels a pressing need to find a dark corner to hide in for the next decade, until all current crises have past? I'm not naive enough to think I'd emerge into a crisis-free planet, but at least there'd be a different crop of crises I'd have to worry about!

Alternately, I also feel a pressing need to trust in God's sovereignty, to understand that He's in control and not surprised by any of this. But I also feel burdened to be smart, clever, and resourceful with the abilities and funds and blessings I've been given (that verse is running through my head..."Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise."). Does anyone else feel this way? That it's time to get diligent and strategic about the way we earn money, spend money, and most importantly, save money? So here's the purpose of my little rant...dear readers, let's pool our mutual smarts and come up with new ways to penny-pinch and save money for a rainy day. Please share your tips, tricks, and ideas. I'll take anything ya got.

Help end this girl's anxiety attack. Remember, she's trying to live a peaceful life!!!

Happy Autumn

Today is the first day of autumn, and here in the mountains of east Tennessee, I am running my air-conditioner. Sigh. Oh well, I'm going to celebrate fall nonetheless! Here's just a few fall-related activities on-tap for the newlyweds:

• Already purchased 2 pumpkins and 2 baskets of yellow mums, on sale at Lowe's this past weekend. I couldn't help but laugh when we walked into church yesterday and saw the exact same baskets of mums on the altar, where flowers are always displayed. We Germans/Lutherans are all the same; we like to enjoy beauty at a discounted price. Mine are displayed on our deck, where we can look through the sliding doors and enjoy the sunshine on them. We'll carve our pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns when it gets closer to Halloween.
• Because I work from home, I feel the need to get out a couple of evenings during the week. Because we're trying to save money, though, our dates have to be pretty cheap, so they end up being a jaunt to Starbucks (and at $8 for 2 coffees, our date isn't exactly cheap, I know). For this week's outing, I'm going to indulge in my first pumpkin spice latte of the season. (And as long as I'm talking about pumpkin spice lattes, I have to send you over to read this post by chatting at the sky!)
• Around the middle of October, we're going to start an Annual Orchard Day tradition. I basically want to go to the orchard to pick apples, drink hot spiced apple cider, eat a huge caramel apple, come home to bake and eat a huge apple pie, and essentially get very sick on all things apple.
  

• Visit our beloved Biltmore Estate when the leaves have turned, preferably around the 1-year anniversary of our first visit there together, which was November 2, 2007 (one of my favorite days ever).

• And speaking of leaves turning, we're going to drive the Blue Ridge Parkway and behold sights such as this:

• Watch "Last of the Mohicans" -- a very autumn-y movie (it was filmed in part on the Biltmore Estate!).
  
• Finally, we'll travel to Indy again for my niece Ada's birthday (big 5 years old, Zu-Zu!), we'll fly to New York for Thanksgiving with Marty's Aunt Becky (much more on this to come...going to New York City will be like going home to the mothership for me, retail-wise), and we'll do other things like taking lots of walks and doing lots of cuddling while sitting outside in the crisp, chilly air while breathing in a little bit of that lovely smoke from burning leaves...

Welcome Autumn!