Friday, January 1, 2010

This, too, shall pass

That's my mantra these days. I tell myself this constantly, as I struggle to get out of bed, as I struggle to eat, as I struggle to get a load of laundry done. Life with this second pregnancy has become one big struggle.

Since some people want to know and since I don't mind sharing, no, we weren't planning this pregnancy, at least not this soon. But, here we are, expecting our second baby in August of 2010. Yes, that nearly makes Will and his little brother or sister "Irish twins" (kiddos born within 12 months of each other), but not quite. However, with the Irish last name Conway, we've certainly taken our fair share of teasing. Lots of people have given us the "You know how this happens, right?" which is my least favorite. Thank you, yes, we know. Brilliant joke, truly hysterical.

Anyway, we went to see Dr. Pickler last week and she did an ultrasound and found that our wee little one is growing perfectly and right on track, with a heart rate of 159 bpm. It was absolutely crazy to be back in her office, back on the table, looking at a monitor showing a teeny-tiny baby. Sometimes, waking up in my new place and with this new knowledge, I feel completely lost for a few minutes. Like a wise friend once said, "You have to find the new normal." I'm still looking for it. If you see my new normal, will you send it in my general direction?

Dr. Pickler also prescribed me an anti-nausea medicine called Zofran. I take it every 12 hours and haven't missed a dose yet; I utterly depend on it. It doesn't completely eliminate the nausea, but it does take the edge off. I was never, ever this ill with William. I had queasiness, certainly, sensitivity to smells, fatigue, all that stuff, but never this kind of debilitating sickness. There are smells I absolutely can't stand -- even my kitchen countertops. They are a custom concrete with a polyurethane finish, and for some reason, I can SMELL that darned polyurethane finish and it makes me want to be sick to smell it. You can imagine how many dishes I've done lately. Oh, and coffee. The smell of coffee makes me want to run for the hills. Oh coffee, my old friend. Sometimes I think I'll never see you again.

So here I am, popping Zofran and fighting sleep every waking moment (one of Zofran's lovely side effects). I hold my nose while I feed Will his baby food, and especially while I change his diapers. I live off of cinnamon toast, tomato soup, and the magnificent kindness of my husband, who takes care of us every single moment he's at home. He sends me to bed and brings me Sprite, and rubs my back and holds me when I can't stop crying in frustration.

I'm not in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely thankful for this second child, and I know I'll be excited once second trimester (and its blessed relief) comes along, but right now...right now I'm struggling. I could use prayers and babysitting and meals for my husband, but mostly just prayers. I pray constantly for God's strength because I have none of my own. And I constantly tell myself, this, too, shall pass.

8 comments:

Sarah said...

Becky!!!! OMG!!!

I am starting to crawl out from under my rock and just read your blog--I can't believe you're pregnant. But what a blessing! That is awesome, but I know that you are feeling awful right now. I am praying for you girl! It will get better.... Congrats!

ashley @ twentysixcats said...

Oh I'm sorry to hear about the nausea. :-( I totally get you about being sad/depressed about that. I remember when I was pregnant with Savannah - while the nausea wasn't as bad as it could have been - I was so down all the time. I struggled with a desire to be honest with how I felt, and a desire to assure people that I was happy that I was pregnant (though, at that moment, I wasn't very happy about it!). :-) I had a prescription for Zofran too, but I never filled it (I got it close to my 12 week mark, and I was sure the nausea would go away any minute now, even though it lasted another 5 weeks). I pray that you feel better soon!!

Oh and yay for August babies! ;-) At least you have season-appropriate maternity clothes!

The Shabby Princess said...

Sending hugs and love your way. I'm so sorry this second one is hitting you so hard. And I'm sure it can't be easy with little Will needing attention too.

love you!

emily ann. said...

Sending more prayers your way! Wish we lived closer so we could help out in other ways too!

Dawn Williams said...

Oh my friend, I'm so sorry to hear about you feeling so sick and down. I know EXACTLY what you are going through! blah. I told Tim I just wanted to die during that first trimester, and I was just barely exaggerating. I'm 17 weeks today, and still throw up every morning. But then I'm good, I can get on with my day. Life is about as good as it gets during one of my pregnacies right now. You my dear will be rewarded with the most precious baby for all of this. And you will have a blessing tucked in each arm.

Dawn Williams said...

OH!! And you too!!!!?? That stupid "You know how this happens?!?!" joke has gotten REALLY old!! Like I told you, we must have crossed some invisible line with #4 and everyone wants to point out how 'crazy' we are!?

ps. I can feel my little one flopping around as I type this. =) Somehow that already makes me forget about the first trimester...

Kristen said...

Oh, my sweet friend. Susannah passed her 2 week milestone yesterday so I ventured into a couple of "normal" tasks like online bill pay and folding laundry. I SO get you! You know I never experienced two-at-a-time mommying like you are/will, but the memories of pregnancy and delivery are FAR too fresh. You will make it...promise!

emily ann. said...

How are you doing????